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~Welcome: Laughter is to Luck~



Name: Jae a.k.a Myllwookie (Livejournal)/Lovelywookie (Asianfanfics.com)
(In fanfic world, I am called Jae but this is not my real name XD )
Age: 18 (1994)
Country: Philippines
Favorite K-pop Group/s: SUPER JUNIOR (Oh yeah!), C.N.Blue, Miss A, U-Kiss, SISTAR <3, Wonder Girls, 2PM, 2AM, 4Minute
Other Favorite Group/s: Fahrenheit (from Taiwan)
A K-pop Fan Since: October 2009
All Time Favorite Song: Love U More by Super Junior
Super Junior Biases: Ryeowook, Kyuhyun, Eunhyuk, Sungmin and Donghae <3

TWITTER: twitter.com/#!/KWlongsforme
(All macros here are made by me ^_^)

>∇< Being a writer is my secret or my HIDDEN IDENTITY because this is the only way I can express my TRUE PASSION FOR WRITING without receiving any judgments from the people I know.
>∇< Writing fan fictions is my way of escaping the harsh reality I'm facing everyday. This is the closest thing I can get to live in my delusional non-existent dreamland.
>∇< It’s not yet an ending if it’s still not happy.
>∇< Super Junior, KyuWook and writing are my happy bubble so don't dare burst it! ^^
Hey there! If you have anything to say, just leave me a comment or send me a personal message :) May it be a violent reaction or sweet nothings :)


I Admire As I Aspire- Chapter 4

Title: I Admire As I Aspire- Chapter 4
Author: myllwookie
Pairing: KyuWook
Rating: G
Summary: Childish, nagging but sweet Kyuhyun will always be a problem to Ryeowook especially when he has these suppressed feelings for him which he doesn’t know if it’s real or just an infatuation. And adding a TV show filming their dorm lives, forcing all of them to occupy only 1 dorm, will just make things harder for him.

A/N: You guys know this is a fan fiction, right? Meaning not every scenario I linked to something that actually happened is real. You guys will probably get my point when you’re in the part of Kyu giving Kiki to Ryeowook =)) LOL I’M SUCH A SPOILER. OKAY I’LL STOP ^^

RYEOWOOK’S Point-of-view

“Oooh look at what this fan said! She said that it was about time that a KyuWook interaction came out. And may I imitate I’m so greedy for more KyuWook moments! This show is definitely something we KyuWook fans should watch out.” Sungmin hyung imitated a squealing girl’s voice and he was fairly good at it.

“So you’re watching out just like all the other KyuWook fangirls out there?” I laughed at him and threw the giraffe stuff toy that Kyuhyun gave me.

Sungmin hyung grabbed it and held it like a baby.

“Oh Kiki, you don’t know how much your master Ryeowook loves you. You’re the mark of a possible love relationship between KyuWook! If only the fans knew the real story behind your existence then the world would be a better place.” He talked to Kiki like it was a living thing but of course I didn’t have any problem with it since I pretty much treat Kiki as a friend. Okay, I’m not a child.

“I just wanna stay away from all the negative comments now. Ever since the video of Kyu placing his arm around my shoulders got out, I can’t distract myself from all the haters.” I reached out for Kiki but Sungmin hyung kept on playing with it while he was busy reading comments online.

“Haters will be haters, Wookie. You shouldn’t be affected. What matters is that you keep your professionalism when dealing with them. I know that what you mostly read were comments about you staying away from Kyu but you should also consider that it wasn’t you who initiated the action. It was Kyu.” Sungmin hyung was at it again; lecturing me about KyuWook haters.

When Sungmin hyung emphasized that it was Kyuhyun who initiated it, I couldn’t help but smile at myself again. There’s this nonexistent diary I keep which holds all the precious moments I have with Kyuhyun. Even the smallest detail of his eyes falling on me for more than a second is recorded. Yeah, that’s how specific that diary is and if ever it really did exist, I know it would be a sure hit for KyuWook fans.

“Oh listen! This fan perfectly said what I wanted to tell you. She said Hey you haters! It was Kyuhyun’s own will to put his arm around Ryeowook, okay? Wookie didn’t force him to do that. Kyu was happily smiling and he even placed his head against our eternal maknae! How can you hate Ryeowook for that when all he did was sit there?! You haters got nothin’ on us now.” I was seriously laughing out loud because of Sungmin hyung’s voice imitation. He put on an intense voice with a touch of feistiness and don’t forget the fierce eyes and creased forehead. He looked like he was about to have a rage just like those rage toons that are popular on the net.

“You should really calm down, hyung.” I laughed and snatched Kiki from him. “Our Kiki was scared because you might rip it to pieces.”

Our Kiki?” Sungmin hyung smirked and crossed his arms against his chest. “So are you treating Kiki as KyuWook’s love child?”

He squealed and gave me a slight push which made me remember what my mom does whenever she sees a handsome artist on television. My dad’s always the target but he loves my mom so much so he just lets her do it to him.

“I’m not saying anything! Is it bad to use ‘our’? I treat you guys as family and Kiki is my pet-slash-friend so it’s normal that I useour Kiki.” I reasoned out but Sungmin hyung just rolled his eyes.

“Don’t give me that family shit. Both of us know you’re just using it as an excuse not to get caught.” Sungmin hyung shook his head like I was babbling nonsense.

“You’re still looking at comments?” I asked when he busied himself with his laptop again.

“Ryeowook, if you’re curious then just visit the site! I don’t know why you have to abstain yourself from all the KyuWook sites. You’re nothing different from all these girls because all of you, I mean all of us, are supporters of this pairing. The only difference is that you’re the subject of our fandom.” Sungmin hyung faced the laptop screen at my direction but I closed my eyes.

Ever since Sungmin hyung introduced me to kyuwook.com, I always try to sneak a visit but I almost get caught all of the time. The worst one was when Kyuhyun almost caught me red handed. It explains how the members found out that this room where Sungmin hyung and I are in right now, the laundry room, is the best getaway venue since there are no cameras installed here. Of course the bathroom too but who would want to hang out there? I was the first one to discover this as my supposedly sneak away place whenever I visit kyuwook.com but Kyuhyun caught me the first time round.

When someone wants to kill their time, they carefully make their way here so that the cameras won’t notice which won’t alert the staff. Our members can be really mischievous when we need to be.

Going back to kyuwook.com, I also fear that I might publish stories there that are really happening between Kyuhyun and me. It’s only natural when everybody else is puzzled and you’re the only one who knows everything. As a conclusion, I decided not to visit that site to avoid future mishaps.

I opened my eyes and thankfully saw Sungmin hyung immersed in reading comments again. He doesn’t know how tempted I am to read everything but I need to restrain myself. Control yourself, Ryeowook.

He didn’t seem like he wants to be bothered anymore so I just smiled at Kiki who was secured in between my hands. Staring at it brings back the series of moments that happened days ago; the story behind Kiki, the moment he caught me in this room and the controversial conversation we had that made me literally lose my breath.


“Where are you going, Ryeowook?” Sungmin hyung asked when I stood up from Kyuhyun’s bed with my laptop on hand.

“I’m just gonna go to the restroom.” I was more than paranoid and my knees were trembling. Even though I hate to see myself in this state, I just can’t find the will to sneak a peek.

“You’re going to the restroom...with your laptop?” He raised his eyebrows and looked at me with doubt.

“I’m gonna play some games while I bond with Mother Nature!” I was nervous and impatient which made me raise my voice a little.

Okaaaay someone’s PMS-ing here.” Sungmin hyung’s eyes widened as he looked at the camera then at me, secretly telling me that I should mind what I say because there’s a camera shooting our every move.

As soon as I got what he was trying to say, I faked a laugh but anyone would have realized that it was forced. Hyung laughed with me to lessen the tension that was just created and I was thankful since he did it more naturally than I expected.

“Okay, Wookie. Go release Mother Nature’s calling.” He laughed at the euphemism we were using.

When I left the room, I was surprised that not one soul was there to show something interesting to the viewers. The first thing that came to mind was the scolding we would get from the staff and our manager but those thoughts were put to an end when I heard an uproar of laughter coming from Yesung hyung’s room.

Curious as to what they were up to, I quietly advanced towards the door of the room and placed an ear against it. At the exact same time, the members inside roared again which made me jump away in surprise. It dawned to me that the cameras were watching my every move which would make me look like a sissy for being surprised that much.

Sigh, but who matters? At least now I’m sure that no one can catch me this time. Sungmin hyung is busy researching about wine, and the other members are probably playing some game that’s interesting enough to keep themselves for at least an hour or so inside the room. Victory’s mine.

I smiled and nodded to myself for finally getting this opportunity that I have longed for as I acted casually when I made my way to the kitchen. Like I was doing nothing wrong, I opened the refrigerator and got out a bottle of orange juice. I know I’m not as good at acting as the other members but I am clinging onto the hope that I can fool everyone who’s watching that I’m up to nothing. I’m just a bored member who can’t do anything so I would go to the fridge, get a drink then go to the bathroom.

But who drinks inside the bathroom?! One voice in my head said.

Just shut up! You’ve done it already. No turning back now! Another one said.

As soon as I knew I wasn’t visible by any cameras anymore, I stumbled my way to the laundry room directly in front of the bathroom. It’s a confined space that houses our space consuming washing machine, detergent powders perfectly aligned on the shelves and the fabric conditioners which leaks out a striking flowery scent that’s too strong for our noses to handle.

I immediately opened the small window to lessen the dominance of the smell; inhaling the fresh air deeply like I was just released from a hideout place that shunned all the goodness of the environment.

It was suffocating but I let my mind do the controlling over my system; mind over matter as they say. My body was like on autopilot when it acted like it has a mind of its own. Everything was so fast that I was surprised to see myself sitting on the floor with my laptop on my lap and the welcome page of kyuwook.com right in front of me.

“Omo, it’s so beautiful!” I squealed on my own.

There were these little icons of Kyuhyun and me in a lighter shade but when you place the cursor on it, the original color of the picture will show. I haven’t even entered the home page and yet I’m already overwhelmed with what I’m seeing. This layout is way better than my nonexistent diary and I’m so disappointed at myself for not being creative enough. It’s a fragment of my imagination; meaning I can be as wild as possible with it but I didn’t take over that opportunity.

“What are you babbling about, Ryeowook? It’s just an imaginary diary. Get over it.” I told myself as if I was some mental person.

Finally! This is it. I moved the cursor towards the icon on the lower right hand corner which reads “enter.” Oh gosh, reading that word is so fulfilling and empowering. If anyone could see me right now, I know that I look like some monkey who’s being teased using a banana. It makes you drool and appreciate the holiness of what’s in front of you.

“I’m entering heaven.” I slowly placed my finger on top of the laptop’s touchpad, fidgeting in excitement while I’m at it.

“RYEOWOOK!” Someone opened the door so fast that it made me let out a little scream or wail is more like it. It was for being deprived of privacy AGAIN but I didn’t have time to wallow over it when I saw who was at the door.

“What are you doing here, Kyuhyun!?” I whispered in an irritated tone as I flailed my hands on my laptop.

He closed the door behind him then sat right beside me just right after I clicked the close button of the internet window.

“Why are you whispering?” Just like me, he leaned his back against the washing machine then looked straight into my eyes. As I said, the laundry room is really just a small space in our dorm which means that our proximity within each other is that small. He even sat right next to me when he can just sit right in front of me.

“This place is top secret!” I hissed as I closed my laptop and placed it aside.

“Uhhh, no it isn’t. This is a laundry room, Wookie. How is this a secret?” He spoke slowly like he was speaking to someone who just lost his mind.

“You’re missing my point! Can’t you see that there are no cameras here?” I raised my eyebrows at him but I can still feel the intensity of my heartbeat from when he arrived.

OHHHHH! You’re right!” His eyes widened in realization and the pitch of his voice became higher. “My Wookie is such a clever one!”

Hold on. Rewind. My Wookie?!

It didn’t end there. He snuggled on the side of my neck and wrapped his arms around my waist. In reality all of this may have happened in a blink of an eye but it was all in slow motion for my vision. I got a whiff of his hair when he kept on shaking his head against my neck. Even if it’s just a passing scent, it was the dominant smell that registered in my brain; forgetting the distinct fragrance of fabric conditioner. When his arms came in contact with my body, my heart suddenly flipped like it was on exhibition. Yes, the beats became faster but in a span of just a second it slowed down as if his touch was the cure to my nervousness earlier.

“Yah, Kyu! Stop! You’re being too mushy again.” I pushed away his arms and as expected it pained him.

“Ryeowook-ah, I’m just showing how proud I am of you but you’re pushing me away?” He said in a voice that reflected his puppy-like eyes.

“It’s not that I’m pushing you away. I’m just cautious because the others may come in anytime and they might mistake this for something else.” I am so translucent for suggesting such an idea.

“Something else?” From someone who was pitiful a while ago, he turned into a person who looked like he has dark intentions. His oh-so-flawless smirk was the perfect cherry on top.

“I—it’s not what you’re thinking! You’ve got it all wrong!” My voice wobbled when Kyuhyun’s face inched closer to mine but all I did was to move my whole body backwards towards the side of the room.

“Then why are you so shaken up?” He was literally crawling towards me now. “Rawr!” He hissed which made me gulp.

Oh this was definitely something the viewers would like to see; all the more the KyuWook fans. I should be enjoying this playful act of his but I should keep in mind that he should not be doing this. One, we aren’t in this kind of relationship so he could act like this. Two, okay I’ll admit that it’s gently destroying the foundation of control I built inside. If he doesn’t stop, I might get caught right then and there that I like him.

“Stop it, Kyu! You’re creeping me out!” I continued to move away faster from him this time with my hands doing the moving for me.

“Watch out!” He shouted right at the same time when I felt the bump of the long mop handle on my back. It surely fell down from its quiet place and probably hit some things on the shelves.

I don’t know how my reflexes got trained to be so quick that I was still able to fold my knees up and cover my head with my hands just like a safety procedure when there’s an earthquake. I didn’t have the extra time though to look at what he was pointing to because my vision suddenly became dark and I felt an amount of weight right above me. It was big and heavy yet it enveloped me in safety and security. Suddenly, it didn’t weigh that much anymore as it transformed into one big fluffy cloud of softness and comfort.

The fact that he jumped right on me to save me from whatever that is made the noise of something falling down from the shelves irrelevant. If it were anything near unpleasant in reality, in my trance it sounded like the rain gently falling against a puddle of water making those droplets emit a feel of peace. It was like we owned everything in my world and it was all made for us.

Kyuhyun’s groan just had to ruin it all thanks to the wave of concern that washed over me.

Everything shuddered back to reality which made me realize how I shouldn’t enter my world of fascination in a room like this.

“Are you fine?” He asked but his voice seemed at unease.

“Yeah, but I think you’re not.” He was still covering me and it was only then that I realized he had his arms around my body and his head was resting on my shoulder.

“A fabric conditioner and some hangers hit my back. So what?” He hissed in intervals and it dawned on me how painful it must have been for a full and large fabric conditioner container to hit your back. It’s one of the most sensitive parts of our body when it comes to pain.

What?!” I gently used my still shaking arms to lift him away from my body with the utmost care. His eyes were squinting and he let out low but unfathomable sounds from his gritted teeth.

Settling his back against a pile of dirty clothes, I caressed his face lightly and soothed his eyelids using the slow movements of my thumb against them. His forehead relaxed with the passing of my fingers on it and this caused for his whole face to calm down.

“Kyu, open your eyes.” I whispered, hoping that my touch would have made the pain go away. “Does is still hurt?”

He uncovered his eyes slowly while staring at the ceiling first but then it suddenly fell on me.

“If you wanted to make me feel better, you should have caressed my back. Not my face, Wookie.” The seriousness from the hit dissolved into thin air and was replaced by a predictable smile of his. Of course it’s his playful smile, nothing else.

“Jerk!” I was embarrassed. Who wouldn’t be if the person you like just told you to not obsessively marvel on their face? “I was just trying to calm your brain so your mind will register that the pain’s gone!”

I distanced myself from him then let out an angry sigh that was almost a groan. The farthest I could go was at his feet because of his long legs that were already at the door.

“I was kidding!” He turned his body sideways then used his arm to elevate his head by planting his elbow on the floor. He looked like one of those calendar girls who does that typical sexy pose. With an expression I can’t paint, he looked at me with unclear intentions.

“What does your face suppose to mean?” I asked grumpily with my chin on top of my bended knees.

“Whatever you want it to be.” He seductively said but he wasn’t able to hide his laughter anymore.

“Disgusting!” I slapped his leg with a mix of humor and shock on my face.

We laughed at each other’s silliness with squinted eyes and hurting stomachs but we never complained. It is times like this which makes me see the greater side of being in a group with probably the most hectic schedule compared to any other human being; it’s the good company that comes with it. Forget being worn out and drained of energy. As long as you have people close to your heart around you that will go through the same sufferings with you, it all becomes worth it because the fact that they stayed and kept up with everything is partially dedicated to you. This made me realize that after being with my members it’s not just about me being greedy for fame anymore. It’s about being one with them to help achieve each other’s dreams. As this sunk into my mind, I don’t consider them as just my members anymore. They’re the biological brothers I never had.

In this case, Kyuhyun is an exception because it’s weird if I fell in love with my brother. I’ll just consider him as the childhood friend I never had whom I am bound to fall for.

“You seem to be deep in thought.” Kyuhyun finally spoke in a soft voice which sounded like an invitation for a serious conversation.

“I’m just thinking about everything. How happy I am to have you all as my brothers now.” I happily sighed at the randomness of my thoughts.

“Are you sure you really want to consider all of us as your brothers?” He asked as if he didn’t believe my love towards the group.

“I am not bluffing here. I really do love you all like brothers.” I restated.

“I’m not saying that you’re lying. I’m just asking if you’re really decided on that.” He replied, disproving the assumption I made.

“What’s there to decide, Kyu? I don’t think I get what you’re saying. It’s our brotherho—“

“What if you fall in love with one of us?” He courageously cut my words and asked such direct question.

The appropriate words to say got stuck somewhere in my throat that all I can do is stare at him in awe. It’s not like everyday this thing happens when the person you like opens the idea of you falling in love with him. It is more than just normal to be at loss for words. At least it’s better than answering mindlessly only because you got carried away by the situation. If I were a teenage girl who has never had a boyfriend before, I would think that this is the perfect time to admit your feelings. Sadly, I’m not. I am a man who will never have the right time because we live in a world where sexuality is crucial and sensitive.

“That’s not possible.” I choked on my own words knowing that I was betraying myself.

“And why is that?” He asked.

Pardon me, Kyu. This is just so not you to bring up something like this. You’re a man, like a legit one who patronizes guy stuff like computer games and not preach emotional stuff such as conversations like this.

“Uhh, are you seriously asking me that?” I scoffed.

“Why are you treating it as a joke? I’m just saying that it could happen.” Kyuhyun sat up straight now. As he moved closer to me, the intensity of the beating of my heart became stronger. It felt like my heart kept weighing heavier as he advanced towards the drastic mess a.k.a me.

I was running out of words to cover up my false pretenses. All the more my mind got messed up when he sat down in front of me without any warning.

“If you meant friendship then of course I love you all.” I answered followed by a deep breath which I figured might be misleading.

“That’s not what I meant, Wookie.” He took hold of my hands that were wrapped around my legs. I was certain that he felt the tension in them and the sweaty palms that came along with that.

“Are you seriously implying a boy to boy relationship?” I tried my best to look like I was shocked but it came naturally because I was really surprised that Kyuhyun meant what I was thinking.

“Yeah. Why not? Is there anything wrong with that?” He squeezed my hand which frightened me for a split second. What if he does like me? But why did I get second thoughts when he held my hand? Am I sure that Kyuhyun’s really the one who’s uncomfortable with same sex relationship?

“You should be disgusted with those things, right?” I raised my eyebrows at my question.

“Why should I? It’s totally normal, you know. We have been stuck with each other under the same roof for years now. I see it as something that’s inevitable.” He was really serious.

“You bringing up this topic, does it mean something?” I asked with clear assumptions.

“Maybe. Maybe not. A guy at this age with a mind like mine is curious of a lot of things.” He answered like this conversation was as casual as ever.

“What curiosities do you have on your mind? Maybe you can share them instead?” I don’t know why I’m going off topic when it’s Kyuhyun who already opened the right timing I’ve been looking for.

He stared at me seriously out of the blue when he should be answering my question. It was like he was trying to find an answer he wants within my face that he’s not getting from me verbally. Afraid that my face might display something that would reveal my real intentions, I looked down at the floor and withdrew my hands from his.

“I got you.” He then laughed but it was clearly a fake and forced one.

“What are you saying?” I only noticed that moment that I was breathing heavily.

“I just wanted to creep you out. I’m an expert, huh?” He was laughing so hard but somehow I pitied him because I know it’s not for real.

“Kyu, are you possibly in love with someone in our group and you’re not sure whether to pursue him or not?” I figured that he wouldn’t open a topic like this if he didn’t relate to it.

“If I was in love with another member, I will not at all be confused. Love is love. I don’t care what kind of being it is.” Kyuhyun finally stopped laughing and it can be seen that he was really serious with this.

“Even if it’s a giraffe?” Okay, that was a stupid question, Ryeowook.

Giraffe?!” He looked at me with wide eyes partnered with a chuckle.

“Sorry, I love giraffes. I want to be like them.” I was so random that I didn’t know what got into my head.

“Then if that’s the case, even if it’s a giraffe I can love.” He said with a smile.

Wait, did he say he can love giraffes because I want to be like one or he just said it to justify his earlier statement that he can love any kind of being?

“Are you okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” Kyuhyun asked with a sneer on his face.

“Oh, nothing.” I went back to reality.

“Come let’s go now. The staff might get suspicious if we’ve been gone for too long.” He pulled me up then led me out of the room.

KYUHYUN’S Point-of-view

“I’ll get this” I told the ahjumma who was at the counter.

“Do you want it wrapped nicely?” She asked as I placed my payment on the table.

If I wrapped it specially, will he think it’s weird that I’m giving him a gift for no reason? But what the hell, I poured my heart out yesterday in that laundry room and yet it still had no effect on him.

“Sure.” I said with a smile.

The ahjumma gave it to her co-worker who got out a pink sparkly paper bag from the shelf.

“Uh can you not use a pink one?” I deliberately asked which made the girl in-charge stop.

“Oh I’m sorry. I figured you were giving it to a girl. Are you giving it to a boy?” She looked at me with that judgmental look and I hated it.

“I just want it in purple since the girl whom I’ll give it to likes that color.” I explained trying my best not to lose my cool.

“Oh okay. I’m sorry.” She immediately apologized to me.

It wasn’t coincidental at all that I’m inside this shop and purchasing a giraffe stuff toy. Ever since that conversation with Ryeowook, I wanted to show him what I meant with what I said. It was obvious from his stunned expression that he partly knew that I said I could love even a giraffe because he said he wanted to be like them. This is also me proving to him my own words when I said that I wouldn’t be confused at all if I fell in love with another member.

“Here you go, sir.” The girl handed me paper bag with a shiny purple skin with thick and thin white ribbons prettily accenting the packaging.

As soon as I arrived at the dorm, I first made sure that no one will be able to witness this gift giving session so I sent Ryeowook a text message to meet me outside the door of our dorm. It’s not that I’m shy or embarrassed to show the other members that I’m giving Ryeowook something randomly. It’s just that it may become a controversy again if the viewers of this stupid show were in see this. The last time I showed a KyuWook interaction, I got pissed at how those fans reacted. Because of that, I noticed how Ryeowook tried to avoid me. The only time I get to spend time with him is when we are inside our room before sleeping and the laundry room. I hope the pain he felt from all those negative comments will disappear with this gift I have for him.

I stepped out of the elevator and the sight of Ryeowook using his phone welcomed me.

“Hey!” I greeted as I hid the paper bag behind me.

“What’s up, Kyu? Why did you want to meet me here?” He immediately asked.

“Not even a hello from you, huh?” I sadly sighed as if he did something wrong.

“Hello, Kyu. So why did you send me out here? There. Better?” He giggled and it was the cutest sight ever.

“The best.” I smiled. “I called you out here ‘cause I’m gonna give you something and I hope you understand why I didn’t want the whole population of Korea to witness it.”

“Wait.” He grinned. “You got me a present?!”

Seeing him smiling like that definitely paid off the effort I put into finding this little giraffe friend.

“Here.” I gave him the purple paper bag and his face got even more delighted which made me pinch his cheek. “I hope you see the deeper purpose of this gift. I want it to be a special symbol between the two of us.”

LATE. It’s almost nearing 2 months since I last updated this. Well, I’ll really TRY my best to update this more often. I promise to exert 10x more effort :) Hope you understand :D

After this, I’m gonna come out with a sci-fi yet fluffy one-shot :) But I bet it might have 2 parts since the story is kinda long =)) I know it’s weird since it’s sci-fi but I promise that it will be more of the fluffy side :D It’s a KyuWook/YeMinHae fic so I hope you read that too when it comes out ^^

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I really miss reading comments so I hope you leave one :)
Chapter 20

“Hyung, I need to tell you something.” I rushed to Sungmin hyung in the dining room as I woke up.

“What seems to be urgent at this hour, Kyu?” He was obviously making breakfast while everyone’s still drooling on their beds.

“I seriously think Ryeowook knows something. He keeps on dropping hints and I got the feeling that he thinks we’re playing this game of hide and seek. Although in this game we keep on hiding something from each other but refuse to seek for it. He just wants to give off clues on what he kept from me.” I explained it in the least complicated way as possible.

“Using a child’s game as a reference paints the picture you want me to see.” He gave credit to my effort. “Anyway, how did he show that he knows something?”

“He kept on saying things like our time is limited because we don’t know what might happen tomorrow and the there’s no point in hiding anything from me scare. And add his mischievous looks! He’s making me insane!” I pulled strands of my hair as I sat down and propped my elbows on the table.

“Wait, if he does know something then why does it seem like he’s enjoying this?” Sungmin hyung turned off the stove and looked at me peculiarly over the counter.

For a moment, I looked back and replayed the scenarios in my head.

“It can’t be! If he really knew about it then he would be angry or sad. He can’t be possibly happy that my contract is getting terminated.” This doesn’t make sense at all.

“Can’t you see? Maybe he’s plotting revenge. He’s making you paranoid for not telling him in the first place! That’s it!” Sungmin hyung clapped his hands which made me jump as the sound echoed in my ears and shook my brain.

“Keep it down, hyung.” I warned him.

“He’s making you feel guilty.” He whispered.

“It still doesn’t make sense! If he does know something, he would not be this ruthless.” It seems like Sungmin hyung’s missing the point here.

“Yes, I know where you are coming from but Ryeowook’s changed, remember? The first time you guys met here he was the most arrogant person that ever existed but maybe he’s like that when you have wronged him.” Sungmin hyung explained his side.

“So you’re saying that Ryeowook can turn into a green giant monster just because I didn’t tell him?!” That was beyond absurd.

“Kyu.” Sungmin hyung sighed and sat down in front of me. “As much as I hate to say this but Ryeowook has the right to act this way. You’ve done this to him before and I was there when you promised you won’t do the same thing again. Breaking that promise equals to Ryeowook’s nasty side.”

It may be hard to believe but I think what hyung said was right. If I know I was betrayed, I wouldn’t be surprised if I do the same thing. Ryeowook’s like this little fragile figurine that should be handled with care because if not, it can go mad and break right before your eyes.

“Don’t prolong this game he’s trying to play, Kyu. It would be better if you just admit defeat. Besides, you won’t lose anything since it’s Ryeowook. You might even gain something better out of this.” Sungmin hyung stood up. “Go and eat breakfast, I’ll go get ready for my schedule.”

Sungmin hyung left me by myself in the dining table with an advice I seriously think won’t work.

I know I have told myself a million times why I should keep this from him but I think it’s all just lies masking a deeper hesitation of things going out of hand. If that was my fear before, it’s nothing compared to the mess it has brought now. What I thought was the right thing to do turned out to be the key to a much tangled situation.

“Hey, Kyu.” I turned around and saw Yesung hyung emerging from their room.

“Oh, hyung.” I acknowledged as he walked past by me to get coffee.

“Sungmin said he made breakfast which made me wake up immediately.” It was obvious that he was still half asleep but Yesung hyung would do anything to get a taste of Sungmin hyung’s cooking. I don’t know what’s going on between the two of them but he really treasures the food that Sungmin hyung prepares.

“May I ask something?” I shamelessly questioned when he sat down in front of me as he divulged in his breakfast.

“What?” He said in between chewing.

“What’s so special with Sungmin hyung?” I blurted out which caused for him to suddenly cough like he choked.

“Hyung! Are you all right?!” I stood up and went beside him to pat his back.

“Water.” He tried so hard to say while coughing endlessly until his face turned red; almost out of air.

I rushed to the refrigerator, grabbed a glass and poured water in it; trying my best to prevent it from breaking or slip through my hands.

“Here you go, hyung.” I went back to his side in a second and helped him gulp down the glass of water.

Tears from the side of his eyes were trickling down his cheeks, his neck was also turning red and his shirt having wet spots because of drinking carelessly. I had no idea why this suddenly happened when all I did was ask a simple question that didn’t bear any meaning.

Finally he was able to breathe, which calmed the both of us and I sighed in relief as I saw his original color going back.

“What was that all about, hyung?!” I went back to my seat and sighed once again.

I took a good look at him and noticed that he won’t look at me straight in the eyes. He would look around the room, drink his water then pretended like I wasn’t even there in front of him.

“Hyung, piece of advice, try to act natural when you think a secret of yours is being asked. Acting suspiciously will just send signals that there is really a secret.” I sneered as I figured out what just happened.

There has got to be something going on between the two of them, and I’m not saying this based on nothing. Anyone who would’ve been in my place when hyung nearly choked to death will immediately believe that he’s hiding something.

“What are you talking about, Kyu? I was just eating too fast, that’s all.” He seemed to follow my advice just now and I can’t help but uproar in laughter because of this. Yesung hyung may be older than me but I win over him when it comes to wit and wisdom.

“Don’t be so naive, hyung. Come on, just spill it. It’s not like I’m going to tell anyone.” I placed my arms across my chest and acted like I’m in control of the situation.

“Look who’s talking! As if I’m the only one who needs to spill something.” Yesung hyung’s counterattack hit me hard but I stayed in composure as I remembered my own advice.

“Yeah, and what makes you think that?” I remained in my position; a little stiff maybe, but I hope it didn’t show.

“You think you can fool me, huh? Your eye twitched when I said it! And it’s so obvious that you’re frozen on your seat now.” He’s mimicking my posture now.

“I still don’t know what you’re talking about, hyung.” I raised my eyebrows. Okay, I need to make up my mind right now. Is it okay if he discovers my secret or should I just keep leading him on?

“Come on, Kyu. If you can’t say it then do you want me to say it for you?” He scoffed.

“You’re turning the tables, hyung. I was the first one who asked you. What’s so special about Sungmin hyung, huh? You even have the will to wake up early just to eat his cooked dish. Ryeowook cooks better than him but you still prefer Sungmin hyung’s.” I was gaining back my confidence.

“Why are you so biased when it comes to Ryeowook?” Yesung hyung threw back a question that almost made me fall out of my seat.

“Everyone knows he’s best at cooking in this dorm so there’s no debating on that. Plus, he’s my best friend.” I think I was stupid for adding the best friend thing.

“Oh he’s your best friend, huh?” Yesung hyung was nodding; mocking me is more like it.

“What about Sungmin hyung? I bet he’s your best friend too.” This game we’re playing will never get old.

“What will you do if I say he is? We’re roommates and we talk a lot.” He retorted.

“Do you really see him just as your best friend? Maybe it’s more than that.” I’m totally forgetting that he’s older than me, but who cares? My relationship is at stake here.

“What about you? Have you been lying to everyone? Telling that you and Ryeowook are just best friends?” Okay, it’s confirmed. He does know something.

“Now where did that come from?” I rolled my eyes as if what he’s saying is one big joke.

“From a reliable source.” He cautious in saying it but it was obvious that it was from Sungmin hyung.

“You better protect the love of your life because I’m gonna go after him!” I stood up and was about to storm into their room to kill Sungmin hyung when he pulled my arm.

“Stop it right there! He will kill me if he knew I told you that I know something!” He was trying to grip my hands tightly but his short fingers were no match with my long and strong ones.

“I don’t care! He wasn’t even supposed to tell in the first place.” I was about to grab the knob when I suddenly felt my body being lifted from the ground and being thrown onto the couch.

“I’m sorry, Kyu, but I can’t let you! Just hear me out, okay?!” He almost screamed which stunned me and made me stare at him in awe.

“I didn’t know you have enough strength to carry me.” I finally calmed down when he carefully sat on the center table.

“Well, I guess it’s true that the weight of what you’re carrying doesn’t matter when you’re in an emergency situation.” He looks bewildered at what he just did as well.

“Then I guess Ryeowook would even weigh lighter when I carry him when there’s an emergency.” Ryeowook weighs like paper and because of that I can carry him as long as I like.

“Kyu, I solemnly promise that I won’t tell any other soul that you and Ryeowook are in a relationship.” I can see the traces of honesty in his eyes and I believe that Yesung hyung is someone who can be trusted.

“I believe you, hyung. Let’s just keep this from Ryeowook or else he might lose it.” Here I go again with the secrets from Ryeowook.

“Are you sure you can still keep another secret from Ryeowook?” I was taken aback at how much Yesung hyung knows.

“Exactly how much did Sungmin hyung tell you? Wait, even before answering that question, what’s the deal with the two of you first?”

“There’s nothing.” He simply said.

“Come on, hyung. It’s time to reveal everything now. Our game was over the moment you carried me here.” I can’t believe he still won’t bite.

“No, Kyu. I’m serious. There’s nothing going on between us except that we’re really close. So close that he just sees me as his best friend.” He let out a sad sigh.

“Oh. I didn’t—“ It finally hits me that he was just telling the truth. I just missed the hidden meaning of his words.

“But no worries, I’m exerting my full effort to make something happen. You know how a girl broke his heart recently right? He needs to forget her first before I can make a move. For now, I’m just gonna stay by his side and listen to what he has to say.” Yesung hyung relayed his plans which I know will touch Sungmin hyung’s heart one day.

“Then I guess I don’t need to tell you anything anymore because I’m sure you perfectly know everything.” It’s comforting to know that there’s someone whom Sungmin hyung can rely on every time I unload my baggage of rants on him.

“Yeah, even your contract termination.” He nodded in sympathy.

“Oh, even that. Don’t worry, I won’t let them terminate my contract.” I don’t know why it doesn’t shake me anymore. Maybe I’m just sure that it won’t be possible since it’s completely absurd.

“I think I need to tell you something, though. I haven’t told Sungmin this because he might think I’m pointing my finger at the wrong person and I don’t want him to think that.” This was the first time Yesung hyung and I talked sincerely and it puzzled me why he has some information for me.

“What is it?”

“The day you and Sungmin went to Manager hyung’s office, Sungmin told me everything afterwards and I suddenly remembered something that has a possible connection with the story he told. Sungmin told me that you were so nervous and Manager hyung shouting at you because you insisted on helping him with his computer just made it worse. I was here that day and so was Ryeowook. I went inside your room to ask him if he wants to go out but I found him immersed in his laptop. His back was facing the door which made me see what he was doing and I thought it was weird how he and Manager hyung were video chatting. I guess you can figure out the rest now.” Yesung hyung told the story in the softest way possible so we won’t be heard by the others.

That day in the office, Manager hyung said something was wrong with his laptop and so I offered to help but he just shooed me away. Although, I saw a glimpse of a video chat window and I assumed that he was talking with someone before we entered the room. Could it be that Yesung hyung’s implying that it was Ryeowook he was talking with? If it was him, was he able to hear the whole conversation we had?

“Are you saying that Ryeowook does know something? And Manager hyung knows about my relationship with him!?” That video conversation can mean a lot of things.

“More than knowing something, don’t you think it’s all...planned?” He was scared of saying it because he knows he’s blaming Ryeowook here.

“How dare you think of that, hyung!” Of course I was frustrated! He was accusing Ryeowook of something I know he wouldn’t do.

“I was expecting this but again, hear me out. I know it sounds impossible but I can support my claim.” He really seemed serious with what he’s saying.

“Okay, fine. Say it.” I know I shouldn’t let him explain anymore but a voice inside me tells that it is possible.

“Maybe he’s trying to test you; to see if you’ve really kept your promise. No one wants to get betrayed twice with the same reason, Kyu. Ryeowook may have thought that you would tell him the moment you knew about it but you didn’t and maybe this is why Manager hyung is helping him to make all of it seem so real. Even Manager hyung can’t tell you a more valid reason because it’s all made up. You yourself think that all of it is absurd, right? Who gets terminated because of an accident?” What he said made sense but I still refused to believe it. Ryeowook is not that mean, I tell you.

“You don’t have hard proofs, hyung! When you see Ryeowook plan this with Manager hyung, then that’s the only moment I’ll believe you. Haven’t you thought that maybe Manager hyung is just telling every detail to Ryeowook because I chose not to?” I defended.

“If it’s really just helping Ryeowook get information then he should be worried already. He would’ve showed you his concern and would’ve forgotten the fact that you didn’t tell him. But as of now, I don’t see anything like it. Ryeowook’s not the type to keep something so serious inside him.” I suddenly remembered my discussion with Sungmin hyung before Yesung hyung showed up. Ryeowook looked like he was enjoying it and it just fits in with Yesung hyung’s reasoning.

“I know it’s not easy to believe, Kyu. Even I can’t believe the own words I’m saying but it seems like the only reason that makes sense. If I were you, I’d go to Ryeowook and clear up the situation now before the two of you get trapped in this nasty game of lies.” Yesung hyung really didn’t mean to accuse Ryeowook. I can sense it in his expression and hear it in the tone of his voice. He’s not the type who jumps into conclusions without thinking of it thoroughly.

“I don’t know, hyung. You have to understand that it’s not easy for me to just agree with you. It’s like you’re making me go against the person I love.” I was beyond confused.

“I’m not saying you turn your back to him. I’m only suggesting that you consider this idea and maybe do some investigating while you’re at it.” Yesung hyung wasn’t serious with the investigating thing, right?

“What do you see me as? Some bored housewife that stalks his husband just to confirm if he’s having an affair?” It sounded like those dramas or reality shows that are being aired on television.

“It may sound cliché and redundant but if it’s the only way to confirm this then you’ve got no choice.” He has gone nuts.

“There’s no way in hell that I’m gonna do the things you said. I trust Ryeowook and doing this little spy thing will just make everything worse. I’d be invading his privacy.” Even though the situation’s taking me to thoughts I never figured I’d think about, I still haven’t gone loco and my mind’s functioning just fine.

“Okay, Kyu. I totally understand why you are reacting this way. I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to do. Just remember that if you’re ready to check up on this possibility, I’m just here to help you. Actually, scratch that. Always remember that I’m here to help you no matter what.” Yesung hyung put an end to his idea and let me make the decision on my own.

“Thanks, hyung. I appreciate it.” I’m not so good with expressing my feelings but I do hope he gets it already. I believe that this conversation established the start of a new and profound friendship that will surpass every tick of the clock’s hand.

“I better get back and help Sungmin get ready for his schedule.” He stood up then patted my shoulder.

“Just hang in there, hyung. I have a feeling that your efforts will soon pay off.” I encouraged him from a side of me that experienced the same thing when I was in the stage of doing everything to claim Ryeowook back.

“Oh you’ve got nothing to worry about. I’m sure that I can last for a long time.” He replied as he walked his way towards to their room.

With the sound of the door closing behind him, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and ventured into the plans my mind was already formulating.

After what seems like to be forever, I finally decided to head back to our room and see what Ryeowook’s up to for the day. When I went in, he was inside the bathroom but his bag was placed on the bed.

Is he going somewhere?

His valuables were scattered on his bed and I don’t know why but all of a sudden Yesung hyung’s suggestion came into mind. Seeing Ryeowook’s phone just lying innocently there made me twitch, thinking that it was staring at me in return. He also has his planner on the bedside table gawking at me, secretly luring me to touch it and read the contents.

Calm yourself, Kyu. A while ago you thought that doing such thing is crazy but now you’re starting to give in? Don’t let a little suggestion affect the way your brain runs. You still think that investigating on Ryeowook is bad and unreasonable. Period.

“Oh you’re here.” Ryeowook went out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Water droplets from his hair were gliding against his skin and up until now this image of him mesmerizes me.

“You wanna eat breakfast? Sungmin hyung cooked.” I casually asked.

“Nah, I’m not hungry.” He replied as he opened his cabinet and grabbed his clothes.

“You’re going out?” I asked as I saw that the clothes he picked out were not his home clothes.

“Yeah. It was short notice so I wasn’t able to tell you. I’m sorry.” His natural sweetness came in.

“It’s fine. But where are you going? Do you want me to drive you?” I offered.

“I’m meeting Manager hyung. He’s picking me up so no need but thanks for offering.” He smiled but I disregarded it once I heard he was seeing Manager hyung. My mind jumped into one conclusion that I tried to avoid.

“Why are you meeting him?” He wore his clothes then went to his bed to fix his things. He grabbed his planner and placed it inside his bag but a voice inside me keeps on screaming to think of a way so Ryeowook would leave it.

“Why are you asking? Don’t worry I’m not cheating on you, silly.” He sat down right beside me and shook my hair because of the funny thing he said.

I know he was trying to loosen me up but nothing was working.

“So why are you going to see him?” I faced him and asked seriously.

“He....” Ryeowook prolonged for a few seconds which automatically made me suspicious. “He wants me to go to the dentist again to see if my teeth’s fine.”

Oh Ryeowook, you’re supposed to be convincing me to not doubt your actions but it’s written all over your face that you just came up with that lame excuse when I asked. Don’t do this to me.

“Oh, Manager hyung’s calling. I need to go down now.” He immediately stood up and grabbed his bag like someone was chasing after him.

No Ryeowook. Don’t act like you’re guilty because it makes me sad to know that maybe Yesung hyung was right.

“Kyu, are you all right? You seem down today.” He was about to kiss me good bye when he noticed my face in despair.

“Ryeowook, be honest with me now. Should I know something that you’re not telling me?” This was it. I’m giving him a final chance to prove to me that the innocent and precious Ryeowook I know is still inside the person standing in front of me now. If this fails, I don’t know if I can stop myself from getting even with him.

“What are you talking about, Kyu? Are you ill?” He placed a hand on my forehead but I grabbed it then stood up.

“Look into my eyes, Ryeowook.” Our faces were inches away and I hope the closeness of our proximity will change things. “Please, I beg of you. Tell me now if you’re hiding something from me and I promise you everything will be back to normal once you tell me the truth.”

Ryeowook fell silent for a while but he slowly raised his head and looked deep into my eyes.

“I am not hiding anything from you, Kyuhyun. Everything’s going the way it should be. I don’t know what’s happening to you.” He said it in the most serious way possible and it broke my heart into little pieces that the Ryeowook I know is slowly fading out again. I am once again welcomed by the Ryeowook that made me suffer. I guess he’s going back to the attitude he showed when we first got here.

That was it. What he said triggered the ruthless man inside me that decided to play this game with him.

“How about you, Kyu? Do you want to say anything to me?” Ryeowook asked with a little intensity but it didn’t move me even a bit.

“I’m sorry, Ryeowook. I guess I don’t have anything that is needed to be said. Nothing that matters to you, really.” I returned in the same tone.

“Okay, then I’ll see you later.” His smile surprised me because I thought after what were said he wouldn’t dare to be kind to me anymore. He even kissed me softly and gently which rubbed more salt onto my wound. I know that starting today I can’t return the same passion I’ve been giving him.

This is just a start but I’m already wishing for it to end.

I know I said on twitter that I will post this on Dec 30 but my family went out several times and I wasn’t able to finish it. I was supposed to finish it yesterday but the whooping news of KyuWonHyuk visiting our country made me O.O so I stalked them all day =)) And yes, I got to see them!

Late for a month or so :| Sorry :( Hope you still read this :)

Thank you so much for reading :D Please leave comments :)

The Diary of a Lost Fan Boy- EPILOGUE

Title: The Diary of a Lost Fanboy- EPILOGUE
Author: myllwookie
Pairing: KyuWook
Rating: G
Summary: Years after the ending of the said fic, both were in college but they faced difficulty as there time together is only limited. Finally, Kyu does something about it.

A/N: Sorry for this plot-less epilogue xD I failed LOL. I think you can still read it even though you haven’t read the series :)

“My cute little blushing precious Kim Ryeowook!” Wait a second, I know that voice! Only one man has the patience to call me in that long nickname of mine.

It can’t be.

“My sneaky Kyu?!” I said to myself. I turned around and focused on the figure quickly running towards my direction.

I can’t believe it. It’s really him!

After all these months of not seeing him, finally! I can jump in joy and cry in happiness but of course I won’t do that. I don’t want to be caught by Kyuhyun. Yeah, I know he’s my boyfriend for years now but that embarrassing feeling whenever he’s in front of me never disappeared. It was just like the old times when I try so hard not to show him how I am dying deep inside but my red cheeks would always betray me.

“Kyu?!” I asked in disbelief as he got closer and closer.

He still doesn’t know how breathtaking he is for me even after all these years. There was no moment that I grew tired of his looks. I still looked at him the way I did when I first met him. Well, not really the first time because he was an obnoxious jerk at that time. Maybe sometime around when he started to look cool in my eyes.

Running to me, his tight white v-neck shirt hugged his figure while he tried so hard to stretch his legs in those black jeans. He removed his shades in the most handsome way possible (if ever that kind of thing even exists) and while doing that, my mind suddenly became weird that I viewed my surroundings in a slow motion version. Just imagine Kyuhyun running in slow motion, oh my. It’s hotter compared to those Baywatch scenes.

Okay Ryeowook, don’t be caught drooling or you will endlessly be punished by teasing! But—but I just can’t resist! He looks so good! I wanna scream to the world ‘hey everyone that’s my boyfriend right there!’ But of course I must restrain myself. If there’s anything I’ve learned from Hyukjae, it’s keep calm and spazz with him later. Also a lesson I learned from being a fanboy.

Oh gosh, he’s getting nearer. My knees suddenly became weak and my hands keep on telling me to drop the books that I am holding.

When he was already in front of me, I couldn’t help but smile. It was a surprise that he didn’t invade me immediately with a hug, instead he just smirked at me as he panted.

How I missed that deadly smirk.

“Hey.” He calmly said.

“Hi.” I responded, trying so hard not to show him my desperation of hugging him.

“I know, I know, you don’t have to tell me you missed me.” He placed his arms across his chest and shook his head.

“You’re still the same obnoxious jerk, huh?” I rolled my eyes at his typical statement. That is so Kyuhyun.

“And you’re still the same cute little creature that blushes so hard every time I come and see you.” He poked my cheeks a few times and I breathed in sharply at the contact of our skin.

“You’re teasing me again.” I faked a hurt expression but honestly, I missed our bickering so much.

“I know and I bet you missed it too.” He smugly said.

What?! There he goes again reading my mind. It’s irritating how he can always do that! It’s so unfair how he can read my mind and I can’t read his.

“Just admit defeat, Wookie.” He let out a laugh and I can’t do anything about it.

“Fine.” I said through gritted teeth while looking at another direction.

“I came all the way here just for you but you’re treating me that way already?” He looked sincere now.

“I—I—you started it!” I forced out of my mouth.

“You don’t know how much I missed you.” He moved a step closer and whispered to my ear as he said that.

People were starting to look at us, noticing that it was Cho Kyuhyun who was standing right in front of me.

“There was never a day that I stopped thinking about you. I felt lonely and weary because I was not by your side. However, knowing that you are somewhere out there thinking about me too made me stop wallowing because I knew you didn’t want seeing me like that. I knew that you were waiting for the day when I’ll come back, when I can secure you in my arms and that’s what I held onto just to go through a day. You don’t know how hard it was for me.” As he whispered those words in my ear, he slowly took hold of my hand and intertwined it with his.

I closed my eyes and sighed in happiness. Only a few people are given this kind of blessing, the gift of love that may only come once in your life. I can’t explain how overwhelmed I am because I am one of those few blessed ones.

“You think you’re the only one?” I suddenly felt tears welling up in my eyes. Why do I even feel like crying? Was it because I really missed him or because of the things he just said? I raised my head only to find a very warm Kyuhyun emanating a glow under the sun, doing his job to literally brighten up my day, but this time it’s the real Kyuhyun not just the poster of him behind my door melting me into his smile. “We’re just going through the same thing, you jerk.” I managed to say, fighting the big lump in my throat caused by the strong longing I felt for him.

“Ha! I got you to admit it! You do miss me.” Finally! Yes, finally! He took me into his arms, taking in every striking and sharp sensation as our skin brushed each other’s. It was the kind of hug that you’ll only appreciate due to missing someone terribly and I’m glad to be able to distinct this not-so-alien feeling as Kyuhyun’s way of saying ‘you’re the only man in my world, Kim Ryeowook.’

Truly, it was only Kyuhyun who can spell out home to me by just being enveloped in his arms.

“And I’m not going to even try denying it.” I responded confidently as I returned his hug, dropping my bag and books on the ground. I couldn’t care less anymore.

“My baby’s not so shy anymore, huh?” He sweetly said, like wooing me more into his arms. I only buried my head more into his chest and felt happy at how I can hear his heartbeat against my ear.

“You made me like this. I’ve become sort of a fighter because of you.” I admitted.

“Then that’s good. At least now you can effortlessly say no to all your admirers and tell them that you’re doing great with your oh-so-irresistible boyfriend.” He shrugged and hugged me tighter. This was one of the reasons why we blend in. He continues to pour me with his self-centeredness and I shoot right back the same amount of comments that burns his ego.

“Can’t I just say how unlucky I am because I’m stuck with you?” I rolled my eyes even if he can’t see it.

“Then you’d be lying. My baby’s not a liar, right?” How does he always get away with his words?! See what I meant with how good we are for each other?

“No I’m not, so I should probably tell you right now that I want to do a whole lot of other things with you rather than just standing here hugging each other.” I wasn’t so sure when I’ll ever see him again. It was just right to ask from him an ample amount of quality time with each other.

“You’re absolutely right. I’m not gonna ask you anymore if you’re free today because I know how you’ll immediately bail on the things you should attend to today. I’m just that important.” He released me from his hug then wore his shades again, giving off that diva side of him.

“Kyu, it’s not working for me so don’t waste your time showing off yourself.” I laughed and tugged at his shirt. “Let’s go to my dorm room for a while. I need to at least look decent when I’m with you.”

“You are nonetheless beautiful in my eyes already so can’t we just go?” He hesitated while picking up my bag and books.

“Okay, you made me sound like a girl and you know how I totally hate that.” I stormed out from him but he was able to catch up of course.

“Hey! I haven’t even had a proper rest yet and you’re already making me run and bring your things!” He called after me as I climbed up the flight of stairs to my dorm room.

“That’s what you get for calling me a girl.” I placed my arms across my chest and pushed open the door of my room.

“I didn’t call you a girl, Wookie! I just said you were beautiful.” He closed the door behind him and settled for my bed quickly.

“Whatever, Kyu. Do you need anything? Water? A smack on the face?” I sarcastically ended my statement.

“If you meant kiss by smack then yes I would like to have that one please.” He lied on my bed comfortably with his arms behind his head.

“You are such a pervert but I don’t know why I still love you.” I shook my head as I took out several clothes from my cabinet so I could see it on me in front of the mirror.

“Speaking of I love yous and kisses, we still haven’t kissed yet.” He raised his eyebrows as I made my way to the mirror beside my bed.

“You have to earn that kiss first.” Okay, I totally wanted to punch myself. Why am I even playing hard to get when I am desperate to crash my lips onto his? I may sound like some desperate teenager with raging hormones but that’s how it feels like when you’re fed up with kisses then all of a sudden you’re deprived from it.

“WHAT?! You’re such a crazy boy, Wookie. Come on! I ended my Asia tour already and I at least deserve a kiss as a reward for my success and hard work. And it’s not always we can have times like this.” My heart broke at his last words. That’s the thing that’s been bugging me ever since we went off to different colleges after we graduated from high school. Time. That’s what we lack. We only get to see each other once a week and sometimes not at all because of the amount of school work. To make things worse, Kyuhyun already started with his Asia tour which only stole almost all of our time. For a star like him, he’s enrolled in a special program in his university which doesn’t require him to go to school every day because of his busy schedule. If he’s lucky and doesn’t have school and schedule, he would call me and tell me that he would visit.

Yes, I know this is what I signed up for. I should have already expected it considering Kyuhyun’s popularity is currently increasing day by day. But...no one has the right to blame me for it. I dare anyone who does to be in my shoes for a day, including the passionate feelings I have for Kyuhyun. Let’s just see if that person won’t go crazy because of loneliness and longing for someone. If I didn’t hang on to the belief that we would be reunited one day, then I am proud to say that I might be crazy now.

“Is there a problem, Wookie? You seem to be deep in thought. Did I say something wrong?” Kyuhyun caught back my attention as he placed a hand on my shoulder and stood behind me in front of the mirror. The trace of worry in his eyes was evident and all I can do was let out a sigh.

He studied my face through the mirror for a while and finally wrapped his arms around my waist, the back hug I missed the most. When I first met him, it was the most precious hug to me and I would melt every time he did that. Until now, it still is and the same thing happens to me but this time when I melt, he’s there to catch me and mold me again.

“I used to love your back hugs. You know it’s my favorite.” Feeling nostalgic over it only pained me to know that it might take some time again before we can see each other even though his tour was over.

“I know.” He whispered to my ear, purposely tickling me. “When I did it to you the first time in the restroom, I felt your body stiffen but you became comfortable later on and even leaned on me.”

“When was that?! Psh! You’re making up stories.” I lied. Of course I remembered every detail of it. That day was when we got into a fight for no reason and he gave me a chocolate cake at lunch to say sorry. We played with the icing, got caught by the teacher and got sent to detention. I was supposed to clean my face in the restroom when he turned it into a magical experience; my first back hug ever. Yes, I consider it as something worth remembering like it’s my first kiss or something.

“Why are you so tense, Wookie? Is it because you’re lying?” He laughed, feeling his hot breath on my neck that sent shivers down my spine.

The more we got sweeter, the more it saddened me.

I turned around and faced him; his arms still around my waist as I placed mine around his neck.

“Of course I remember it. Every single thing, Kyu. From the first day until the second that just passed, it will all be etched in my memory.” Once again, I sighed. The type that makes me sound like a problematic person with a lot of burdens.

“Then why are you so sad, baby? I’m here, right? Not anymore a piece of paper plastered on the back of your door.” He glanced backwards and looked at his poster.

“Yeah, but until when will you be real and tangible? By the end of the day it will still return to that piece of paper. No matter how I try to keep you here, I know nothing would work. Besides, I don’t even wanna try to keep you on a lockdown. You might think I’m the typical person in a relationship that doesn’t give you space to breathe. So, don’t belittle that piece of paper. It means everything to me.” I figured he’ll be mad because of my dramatic side but I just have to set these notions free.

I wasn’t looking at him for I was too ashamed of my childish acts but I was definitely sure that he was staring intently at me. I just don’t know what expression he has on his face.

“Oh, Wookie.” He sighed. “Look at me.” He ordered but I just bit my lower lip and still didn’t find the courage to do as he says.

Given no choice, he held my chin up softly which made me gaze into those heartwarming eyes that gives me life and ignites a spark inside me.

“Why won’t you look at me?” He soothingly said, near to a considerate whisper.

“I’m too ashamed.” I admitted.

“Wookie, you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. I’m actually glad to know that you long for me that much. You don’t know how much your truthful words meant the world to me. I know it’s hard--I’m going through the same thing—and you shouldn’t be going through that weariness. It wasn’t for you but you still chose to be with me and sacrificed your happiness. I’m sorry, love. I’m the one who should be ashamed.” He said sincerely as he placed his forehead against mine.

“Don’t say that, Kyu. Although you got one thing right and that’s I chose to be with you. I have no objections or regrets because you taught me how love isn’t just an overrated word but rather how it was invented to describe what we have right now. No one should be sorry because we are nothing but happy.” I suddenly want to take back the words I said a while ago. There’s too little time to focus on what’s not. We should spend time wisely and give meaning to every bit of what is.

“Thanks, Wookie. I think it’s time I claim my kiss now.” I can smell the scent of his breath and I loved how it smelled just the same during the years we were together.

“As you wish.” This time, I took the first step and pressed my lips onto his, savoring this sinful act in return of our missed days, weeks apart and dreadful months. From the way he responded, I assumed that he was surprised by my initiative because I felt his lips curving up into a smile, or maybe a smirk which was way hotter.

He broke away for a split second just to say the sweetest words quickly and breathlessly. I almost didn’t understand what he said.

“Starting today, I won’t let us miss each other that much anymore. I’ll be here.”

That night, we went on a date. The typical date I’ve been longing for. Dinner, strolling around and just enjoying as time pass by.

“Will you leave again?” I asked as we watched people glide on the skating rink beside the park where I usually hang out. It was the Christmas season. Sparkling lights were everywhere, children throwing snowballs at each other, parents waiting by the benches keeping an eye on their children, earmuffs and mittens were the trend, and it was all complemented by the air bringing in a thick yet cold breeze.

“Do you want me to?” He asked, squeezing my hand inside the pocket of his coat.

“No. But that’s not the question.”

“If ever I need to go overseas again for a long time, will you finally take the courage to stop me?” Kyuhyun was very noticeable by everyone inside the rink. Instead of us watching them, the situation flipped and it’s now them watching us. But that didn’t hinder us from our conversation.

“There’s no point in trying because my words doesn’t hold any authority. Whatever I say would be like dirt—neglected and useless.” I took a deep breath and stared at the enchanting lights surrounding the place until it blurred my vision.

“That’s where you’re wrong. All of these years whenever I leave, I never heard any complaints from you. It’s like you really want me to leave without even trying to stop me. Do you know how much that has bothered me? Sometimes I just don’t want to go back on purpose to make you feel the regret and guilt. And for me, you’re my authority. Whatever you say is like the law in my world or better yet, our world. You rule the kingdom of my existence.” From my peripheral vision, I can see he turned around to face me but I kept on staring blankly ahead, slowly healing all the hits of his words.

“I never asked that much from you.” It was all I can say because I was caught red handed.

“It’s not about you asking for it. It’s me willingly giving it to you. Can’t you see that?” He turned me around, placed both hands on each shoulder and stared at me with those blazing eyes demanding a response.

“I’m sorry, Kyu. I thought it was easier if things were like that. If I didn’t speak my heart out about you leaving almost every time, then your career will go smoothly and the less that we would miss each other. I just wanted it to be less dramatic but it seems I’ve got it all wrong. And please I beg of you, don’t continue with your plans of not coming back one day because I swear that I will be the one who’ll make you regret it. Not only that, but it also makes me sad just thinking about it so just don’t.” I returned his death glare with more powerful one, teary and glistening eyes.

“I’m sorry too for saying that but I do hope you get my point in this. I just want you to make me feel like you don’t wanna be detached from me.”

“But that’s exactly what my heart says. I don’t wanna be away from you even for a second.” I immediately responded.

“Then say it. Express it. Don’t keep it inside you.”

Finally I understood everything. I certainly know how Kyuhyun feels and it’s not good. He feels like I’m depriving him from affection and I can’t deny that. I’m not exactly the type who’s so expressive of my feelings because I’m too shy to admit them. Kyuhyun knows that more than anyone else but I think he wants me to break free from this complex of mine already.

“I’ve been keeping something from you.” We were silent on my bed inside my dorm room—his hand behind his head and me beside him with my head resting on his chest while he stroked my hair—when he spoke.

“You’re not cheating on me, are you?” I suddenly looked up at him and he just pushed my head down.

“That will never happen in a million years, you silly boy. It has nothing to do with infidelity, okay?!” He laughed towards the end.

“Then what is it?”

“You tell me. You kept it from me for years.” He was dropping hints and I wasn’t getting any help from it.

“What are you talking about, Kyu?” I rolled my eyes and thought that he was just bluffing.

“Are you telling me that you really don’t remember?! I don’t believe you.” He seemed exasperated.

“Not to make you mad or anything but I am not lying. I promise you that I don’t have an idea what you’re talking about.” This time, I sat up and positioned myself in front of him to make him see that I wasn’t lying. It was only at that time that I noticed that he was still wearing our couple necklace, the one with the ring as a pendant. We bought it together one night—


I guess it was seen on my face how I slowly registered what he was saying.

“And finally it gets to him.” He said then laughed, holding onto my hand as I stared at him unbelievably.

That night, the ahjumma from that shop took a picture of us and I secretly wrote something behind it. If I still remember it right, I wrote something about saying yes to him that night. Oh yeah, the night I surprised him with my approval and we finally became a couple. The message behind that picture was the only secret I kept from Kyu.

“Don’t tell me!” I was dumbfounded.

“Yeah, let me get my wallet and prove it to you. But you know I don’t have to get it because I have memorized the words written on it.” He was enjoying this.

“Give it to me! That’s too embarrassing!” I demanded.

“After tonight, a new couple will officially be born. CHO KYUHYUN! YES! I love you all the more tonight and the days that will come. When we wake up tomorrow, everything is new to us. We are officially together. Make me the happiest man alive, okay?” He mocked me by impersonating my voice and doing a little exaggeration on his acting.

“How did you memorize it!?” I was shocked. Okay, I have to admit that it was a heartfelt act. When did he have time to even go back to that shop?

“You know when I’m on tour I stare at it almost every time so how can I not memorize it?” He was still laughing. “But seriously Wookie, thank you for this. It’s one of the reasons why I smile when I’m on stage. Every time I remember those words, I still get the tingles.”

“I don’t think it’s appropriate to say welcome in this situation.” I was at loss of words.

“Yeah, I’m that awesome and that’s how much you love me.” He was acting high and mighty again but we fell silent when his phone rang.

“Who is it?” I asked.

He grabbed his phone and looked at it. “Manager.”

“Why is he calling you?” I wondered.

“I think I need to go to a meeting with the magazine I’m doing this shoot for next week. And yes I know you’ll nag me to give you a copy so I’ll ask an extra for them.” He pulled me towards him and placed his arm around my shoulder as we lay down.

“So you’ll leave?” As dreadful as it is, I can’t do anything about it.

But wait, what about Kyuhyun’s word a while ago in the rink? I shouldn’t just ignore it.

“Yeah, unfortunately.” He was already standing up when I finally swallowed my shyness and let the courageous one in me take over.

I pulled his hand and he turned around.

“Do you really have to go? Can’t you postpone it until tomorrow so we can just have a peaceful night here? Please do stay here for the night. I wanna be held by those arms in my sleep.” I poured my heart out without shame and I hope he sees how I understand him already.

For a second he was expressionless but his lips curved up into a smile and he squeezed my hand.

“I was waiting for that.” He slipped on the bed, took the spot beside me and hugged me until there was no room for air.

“This is why I love you.” He whispered to my ear and I showed him a smile that will mark yet a new beginning of us.

This epilogue was really meant to be done AGES AGO. But then I just thought of doing it recently and now IT’S HERE!

I missed this fic so much </3 And sorry though if this is like a plot-less epilogue =)) Once again it was another adventure from our cute little blushing precious Kim Ryeowook and sneaky Kyu ^_^ THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING :D Please leave comments :)

I Admire As I Aspire- Chapter 3

Title: I Admire As I Aspire- Chapter 3
Author: myllwookie
Pairing: KyuWook
Rating: G
Summary: Childish, nagging but sweet Kyuhyun will always be a problem to Ryeowook especially when he has these suppressed feelings for him which he doesn’t know if it’s real or just an infatuation. And adding a TV show filming their dorm lives, forcing all of them to occupy only 1 dorm, will just make things harder for him.


Looking at it now, it’s kinda vague how it all started, but one thing’s for sure, I have it bad for Kim Ryeowook. To make things simpler, yes, I do like him.

Spending time with him yesterday made me think about the things he said and how I should ponder on it. He said some things that made me awestruck, making me realize he’s the only one who can say such words and have that kind of impact on me.

While we were on our way to the ice cream parlor near our dorm, he asked me which side of mine was the real one.

“Between these two personalities of yours, which one is real?” He reluctantly asked, seeing the discomfort on his face. Maybe he was testing me or something.

“Both, I guess. I’m just awfully nice to people who are extra kind to me and you’re one of them. Why?” I answered, eaten up by cowardice which prevented me from saying the truth.

That same night, after our little fight about him sleeping on my bed, he once again spoke to me seriously with the slightest hint of anger. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I should really think about my actions.

“You know what, Kyu, I don’t know what’s more important to you; this image that you’re trying to protect or our friendship because earlier inside, I could have sworn that your reputation was more important than me. And I’m not just speaking for my side. What about the other friends you have that can see the sweet side of yours? Will you really put your reputation first?”

“I know, Wookie. I’m sorry.” My tongue got too tied that I wasn’t able to say anymore than that.

The truth was there were no “other friends” that he referred to because I lied to him, telling him that only the privileged people of mine can see this other side of mine, or what I refer to as my Ryeowook side. Yes, there’s a reason why I call it the Ryeowook side. It’s because he’s the only person who witnesses that part of me. I just misled him, afraid that he might figure out my true feelings soon enough.

But why am I afraid?

Am I scared of falling in love with a man? Or am I really just scared of facing rejection?

Thinking of it, the latter weighs more.

I felt like punching myself for making him go through that confusion of whether which side of mine was real. In my defense, no matter how hard I try to explain it, Ryeowook turns me into a totally different person as cliché as it sounds. He’s the best trigger for my sweet side because just sensing his presence near me, that soft spot for him inside me becomes dominant and I’m just good into fooling others that there’s no such thing as the Ryeowook side.

Jerk, yeah that’s what I was last night when I worried about Sungmin hyung being in the room and Ryeowook was just innocently asking where he would sleep. If hyung wasn’t there, I would be more than glad to welcome Ryeowook beside me.

After Ryeowook weakly left the room, obvious that he was sad with what I just did, hyung gave me a good lecturing.

“Why did you have to say those things, huh?! I thought you were extra kind when it comes to Ryeowook?” He said, slightly raising his voice.

“What do you mean?” I got curious as to what he knew.

“I know how mushy you turn when dealing with Ryeowook. Don’t worry, he didn’t tell me. It was just based from my observations. What I don’t get is why are you so afraid to show others how you treat him differently? People won’t judge you for that. It just shows how close the 2 of you are. If you’re worrying that it makes you look bad, well you’ve got it all wrong.” Hyung said in one go and I took it all in.

“You don’t have to dig it in, hyung. All those realizations came into my head the minute Ryeowook walked out of the room. I know what I did wrong and the last thing I need is you lecturing me.” I was letting my pride get in the way again.

“Just bring him back here, okay? If you’re really sorry.” He pulled the sheets up to his chest and turned around so that his back was facing me.

“I was just about to!” I walked out of the room and was welcomed by the sight of Ryeowook watching television.

It was clearly seen from his eyes that he was on the verge of crying because the reflection of the television glistening against his eyes making it sparkly under the light of the moon emanating from the window.

“Come on, Wookie. Let’s sleep on my bed. I’m sorry for saying that. You know I didn’t mean that. I love you the most in the group and I won’t let anything make you feel uncomfortable.” I sat down beside him.

Why was it so hard for me to eliminate “the most in the group” in my statement “I love you the most in the group”?

Then his words of wisdom came. I felt apologetic towards him and didn’t protest anymore.

When everything was already fine between us, I told him to go inside the room but he still insisted on staying. I didn’t want him to feel alone so I stayed with him and tried to play games.

“But Wookie, I want to play with you for a while!” I shook his legs.

“Tomorrow, Kyu. We will play endlessly.” He was starting to drift into sleep when he yawned. It was the cutest sight ever.

“That’s a promise, Wookie! Okay?!” I wasn’t able to hide the excitement in my voice.

“Of course.” He closed his eyes and I figured that he was seconds away from sleep.

“Sleep well, Wookie. Thanks again for everything today.” I patted his leg which should make him feel more comfortable.

I distracted myself from sleep by watching the television, but at the same time, stealing glances at Ryeowook.

If only he knows how beautiful he is asleep, he would’ve been caught sleeping every time. I really don’t know what’s with people commenting on sites that Ryeowook isn’t handsome and how he’s not worthy of being a member of Super Junior. Yes, I myself can’t even believe that such comments exist. They’re probably just missing out on the different aspects of Ryeowook that builds up into one magnificent and spectacular being. With him, he falsifies the saying “what you see is what you get.” He’s the type of person that proves how much greater it is to look at what makes something up than looking at it as a whole. Just hear him sing and you’ll drool, watch him act like a kid and you’ll curl your toes, see him work hard to master the steps of a dance and you’ll know how much greater Ryeowook is.

I always led myself to believe that only I can see and appreciate Ryeowook the way I just described him. He may have fans that love him to death and are willing to sacrifice their lives just for him but no one can explain how one of a kind he is to my eyes.

Carried away, I noticed how I was staring at the sleeping Ryeowook for minutes already. Good thing he was in deep sleep for him to notice my eyes burning a hole on his face.

I shifted a little from my seat as I felt my legs starting to get numb. Stretching my legs, I knew Ryeowook was really asleep as he wasn’t disturbed by the movements I was making.

“What the hell, Kyu. Just do it. He’s sleeping anyway. When the day comes to an end and another one comes in tomorrow, he’ll just think you were being a good friend.” I spoke to myself as if I was going insane.

After battling with my mind a few times, I decided to scoop him up in my arms and let him sleep on my bed, with me beside him of course.

I paused for a moment, taking in the opportunity to breath him all in. His perfectly disheveled hair, the cute little tip of his nose, his lashes which were slightly curled, his baby-like skin and the lips that were slightly parted made me take a deep breath and smile at how I’ll make it all mine.

“Just wait and see, Ryeowook. I know that day will arrive when you’ll come to like me too.” I whispered against his ear. “I just know it will.”

Feeling sentimental, I decided that I should soon escape the shadows of fear and start chasing the rays of openness and possibilities.

I walked slowly towards the room, carefully turning the door knob and quietly closing the door behind me with my foot.

I laid him on my bed, biting my lower lip as I felt all of his dead weight on my arms. The lights were still on and I almost tripped over Ryeowook’s bags as I made my way to the switch.

When I was all set, inch by inch I made it on my bed and positioned myself at the very edge. It was comforting watching Ryeowook sleep, more comforting than lying down properly to get some actual sleep.

However, my body was itching to be closer to him, to feel his warmth against my skin. It was that moment when I let control wash away and let instinct take over. I inched forward towards him and continued with that action until I was only a few centimeters away from his face.

I felt ticklish inside which resulted to a giggle. The next second, I watched myself attack him with a peck on the cheek and quickly turning away from him as I hid the laughter erupting from my mouth. I continued to bite my lower lip and smiled to myself.

Ha! I just stole a kiss from you, Ryeowook. I wonder how many more I can manage to steal.

The morning came, the sun beaming at me as I opened my eyes. It was a reminder that last night wasn’t a dream.

“Morning.” I heard Sungmin hyung’s voice from his cabinet. It appeared like he was looking for something.

“Hey. What’s up for today?” I asked as I slowly rose from the bed, careful not to wake Ryeowook up.

“They’re installing the cameras and doing a test shot today, remember? So we better get things cleaned up here.” Sungmin hyung reminded me.

“Right. I still don’t like it.” I slumped myself on the chair by the study table beside hyung’s bed.

“It’s always so hard to please you, Kyu.”

“That has no relation with that! I’m just saying how a nuisance it will be when the whole country watches our every step. If I could please stay out every day, I would.” I irritably said and scratched my head.

“You and Heechul hyung should share a room.” Hyung said.

“Whatever. I’m hungry. Did you cook?” I stood up and looked at him with an impatient expression.

“I’m not the cook here, Kyu. Just go out and see what’s on the table. I think Manager hyung bought something.” Sungmin hyung was just shaking his head, meaning he was already used to this attitude of mine.

I stormed out of the door and was welcomed by the smell of take-out.

“Kyu! Sungmin and Wookie are not awake yet?” Donghae hyung asked. He was with Manager hyung, Eunhyuk yung and Leeteuk hyung.

“Sungmin hyung’s up but Ryeowook’s not. What’s for breakfast?” I asked as I sat down beside them.

“Hyung ordered American breakfast.” Leeteuk hyung said.

“Great.” I said without the tiniest bit of enthusiasm since it was still morning and I’m not fully awake yet.

“Call the others already. We need to talk before the crew arrives.” Manager hyung ordered us and no one even dared to look at him because everyone was too lazy to move from the position they’re in.

“Yah, call the others.” Leeteuk hyung nudged Eunhyuk hyung’s shoulder.

“Donghae, you call them.” Eunhyuk hyung who was older than Donghae hyung by a few months asked him to do it instead.

“Kyuhyun, you do it.” Donghae hyung passed it on to me and I got no one to pass it on to since I was the youngest.

“I hate you all.” I glared at them before I practically dragged my body towards Yesung hyung’s room, shouted at him and Heechul hyung, then went to Eunhyuk’s room to throw a pillow at Shindong hyung and lastly, I went to our room.

“Breakfast is ready. Manager hyung ordered take-out.” To my surprise, Ryeowook was already awake and it looks like he was deep in conversation with Sungmin hyung even though hyung looks like he was about to leave the room.

Suddenly, everything crept in. What Sungmin hyung said last night, the way Ryeowook was misled to believe that there are other privileged people who can see my sweet side and the little things I did that will remain unknown to Ryeowook.

I don’t want Ryeowook to feel that way anymore.

“Okay, Kyu. But—“ I interrupted Sungmin hyung.

“Wookie-ah! You might not want to eat breakfast anymore.” I pouted as I spoke in the Ryeowook side way of talking, being gullible and forcibly cute. I just tried to imagine that Sungmin hyung wasn’t inside the room and it wasn’t hard since my eyes has the capacity to focus on just Ryeowook. I also forgot about my pride and reputation that are, by the way, being scarred at that moment.

“Why?” He asked and I felt like giggling.

“For a small person like you, I never thought you could weigh that much! And you move too much when you sleep!” I didn’t know if telling that to Ryeowook was the right thing to do but I’ve got nothing to lose, right? It was far from possible that Ryeowook would even think that I like him. He may be feminine and soft but I know he’s a man who might freak out once he knows about my secret.

With that, I left the room, not wanting to know what his reaction will be. I guess it is part of the thrill or suspense that I’m anticipating or, worst case scenario, my fear that I’m too afraid to face.

“What’s that smile on your face, maknae?” Leeteuk hyung asked as he caught me smiling to myself when I left our room.

“Oh.” I immediately turned my smile into a straight one and made my back to the dining area. “Nothing.”

“Did something funny happen inside?” Eunhyuk hyung asked.

Seriously, people should learn to let things off the hook in this household. Everyone just keeps on prying.

“The usual Sungmin and Ryeowook girly conversation, that’s all.” I made it up.

The 4 of them nodded their heads in agreement.

“I think only the 2 of them enjoyed the merging of both dorms.” Manager hyung said.

“You got that right.” Eunhyuk hyung shook his head.

“The 2 ahjummas of Super Junior. I feel sorry for you, Kyu.” Donghae hyung patted my shoulder.

“Nah, I’m used to it. Ryeowook’s my closest friend here, remember? And I have Sungmin hyung as a roommate. I’m bound to get used to it.” I explained it to them, making it look like something they won’t easily cope up with.

I have no complains or whatsoever. After all, it’s Ryeowook we’re talking about here.


“And here we thought you sleep walked.” Sungmin hyung said.

“Did he really just say that?” I stared at him in awe.

“Earth to Ryeowook.” Sungmin hyung rolled his eyes. “I am soooo the happiest fan of KyuWook alive right now.”

“I----I can’t even..” I smiled to myself and bent down my head in shyness.

“Did you just see him showing his sweet side?! Take note, I was here with you! Meaning, he’s not afraid to show it anymore!”

“Don’t jump into conclusions, hyung. He might have done that just because he was not fully awake yet or maybe he didn’t care ‘cause it was only a minimal action.” Why am I even countering myself?

“Oh shut up, Ryeowook! What matters is that it happened! Make the most out of it. Don’t expect anything more or less; just enjoy what he’s bringing to the table. Wait and see how happy you’ll be.” Sungmin hyung sat down next to me and hugged me in a congratulatory way.

“Hyung, it’s not like I won the lottery or something.” I laughed at how hysterical we were.

“But you’ve got to admit, it feels like you won the lottery.” Sungmin hyung had a mischievous smile on and all I can do was to agree since I sucked at lying.

“Run along now. They’re waiting for us.” Sungmin hyung pulled me up and we made our way to the dining area.

“We’ve rented the unit next door for the mean time to serve as our control room. Everything the camera captures can be seen in that room and if there’s any problem with the cameras, don’t hesitate to ask help from the staff there.” One of the crew explained as they were wrapping up their equipments after installing all of the cameras.

“If there was a problem, I’ll be happy not to report it.” Kyuhyun whispered to my ear. Good thing we were behind the whole lot and no one was really paying any attention to us.

“Don’t be so rude, Kyu.” I whispered back. “We have to do this.”

“Come on, Wookie. Look at all these cameras.” He pointed at the corners of the ceiling were the little cameras were found. “Doesn’t it make you conscious and not feel at home?”

“I admit that it does but we have no choice. Plus, it’s like a gift to our fans.” I poked that spot on his hip where it tickles him the most. He hates it when I do that but in a joke kind of way.

“Wookie!” He hissed. “You’re so gonna regret what you just did.”

“What can you possibly do that I wouldn’t know?” I rolled my eyes at him.

“Look Wookie! That camera seems to be broken.” Kyuhyun pointed at a certain direction and I followed it with my gaze immediately.

To my surprise, I felt Kyuhyun’s teeth on the back of my neck and he bit it softly, in a teasing way. He knows how ticklish I am on that spot!

“Aaahh!” I screamed at bewilderment and at the same time, because of the ticklish sensation.

Kyuhyun immediately looked away as everyone started to turn their heads at us. He just placed his arms across his chest and whistled like nothing happened.

“Is there a problem, Ryeowook?” One of the crew members asked. It was embarrassing since he was still talking and leaving us with some instructions and yet here we are not listening to him while playing our little games.

“Oh nothing. I think an insect just bit me. That’s all.” I placed a hand on my neck and slapped it just to cover up for my insect story.

“Uhhh, okay, just be careful with the insects next time.” The man gave me a peculiar look and I just beamed at him.

“You are so dead.” I pinched Kyuhyun’s arm when everyone looked away already.

“I gave you a head’s up anyway. I told you that you’ll regret doing it.” He gave me a victorious smile that I wanted to sweep off his face.

“Don’t talk to me.” I glared at him and I think it worked.

Suddenly, he placed his arm around my waist and constantly spoke to my ear. I felt my heart beat so loud that I can hear it in my ears and my breathing began to slow down with that slight contact of our bodies.

“Wookie! I didn’t mean that. You know how much of a joker I am. Wookie-ah! Please forgive me! PLEASE take back what you said. You can’t just stop talking to me, right?” He nagged like a 40-year-old mother and there was nothing that I can do since this was the Ryeowook side.

I gulped.

“I’ll think about it.” I firmly said, but I was just bluffing to make him suffer.

“Don’t tease me like that! I swear if you don’t forgive me I will kneel down in front of you right now. I don’t care if it makes us look weird!” He shook my body with his arm.

“All right!” I hissed in a low voice. “I forgive you. Just stop talking.”

“I’m not talking, I’m whispering so that doesn’t count, right?” He laughed, forcing himself not to let it escape his mouth.

I was busy giving him a serious counterattack when the crew member speaking caught our attention.

“And it would be advisable if no one of you whispered since it won’t be heard by the microphones installed within the cameras.” He raised his voice as he said the word ‘whispered’ and looked at our direction.

“Don’t mind him. He’s just jealous.” Kyuhyun continued to whisper and I noticed that it started to irritate the man.

“Jealous of what?” I tried to speak to him without opening my mouth.

“Jealous of me. Because I have the chance of talking to you and to play with you but he doesn’t. See how privileged you are, Wookie?” He confidently said, as if making me feel like I’m the only person in his world.

My mind went blank as I processed the words he said.

“Why are you saying those things, Kyu. It creeps me out.” I lied once again but if it’s the only way for him not to notice my feelings for him, then go ahead.

“It creeps you out?” Kyuhyun’s face turned from playful to something I can’t make out. It’s like he’s sad but mad at the same time. Frustrated maybe?

I figured that his Ryeowook side ego got hurt with what I said.

“Nah, I’m just kidding. I’m used to you saying those kinds of words to me, especially when you’re in this sweet state.” For a second there, I thought I was going to say Ryeowook side. Good save. The last thing I need is letting him know that I am seeking ownership over his sweet self.

“Oh.” He forced a laugh. “I thought you were serious.”

“Me? You never took me seriously.” I snorted.

“I do. All the time. You just don’t appreciate it.” He smirked and draped his hand around my shoulder.

What did he mean by that? Ugh, I hate it when he’s confusing me.

When we ran out of things to talk about, we finally paid attention to the man talking only to find out that he was about to end his speech on God-knows-what.

“So, a while ago we already did a test shot while the cameras were being installed. You guys don’t have any problems if we use it for the teaser video, right?”

“Yeah, it’s fine with us.” Leeteuk hyung spoke for the group.

“Also this conversation about explaining everything might also be part of it so that the viewers can get the gist of the show.” He further explained.

“So are we going to do the group message now?” Manager hyung looked at some of the papers he was holding.

“Sure.” The man said and they prepared the camera set-up in front of the couch in the living room.

All of a sudden, Kyuhyun grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him.

“We must sit together in this video. Don’t you notice that every time we make a video sending out a message they don’t make us sit next to each other or stand next to each other?” Kyuhyun spoke as we sat down on the couch.

“Uhhh, does it even matter?” I raised an eyebrow at him, making it look like that what he was saying was not relevant but inside, I’ve been dreading over the same thing too.

If Kyuhyun’s sitting down, I’ll probably be standing up. If I’m sitting down, he’s the one standing up. The only time we can be next to each other in videos or interviews is when we are Super Junior-M. But still, there are times when he should be standing at the middle next to Zhoumi hyung since both of them are the tallest and I have no choice but to stand at the other end because I’m the smallest.

“It is important, Wookie. I read on the internet that fans are starting to think we’re in this fight when in truth it’s the total opposite. We need to show them that we’re fine and we are the best of friends no matter what.” I admit that he has a reasonable excuse.

Best of friends no matter what

Here I go again making a big deal out of such words.

When everyone found their own place on the couch, the shooting commenced.

“You guys ready?” The cameraman asked.

“Yeah.” Leeteuk hyung answered.

Kyuhyun was supposed to sit at the end of the couch and I would be next to him but he insisted that I stay at the end, like he doesn’t want me to sitting next to anyone else but him.

“Ready. Go!” The cameraman cued.

“Hello everyone! We are Super Juni~or!” Leeteuk hyung did his usual introduction on the group and we all did our hand sign.

“As all of you know, we will have our own show again!” Leeteuk hyung enthusiastically said and everyone roared while clapping our hands.

Leeteuk hyung continued to speak and gave out a little something about the show when all of a sudden Kyuhyun placed his right arm around my shoulder which made me jump a little.

This has got to be a dream. Kyuhyun pulling me to sit next to him was already big for me but still here he is making known and clear to the world that we are indeed okay and that there was no fight between us.

“So we hope you watch the show and witness how we live our lives inside our dorm. Once again, we are Super Juni~or!” Leeteuk hyung concluded the video but as we were doing our trademark greeting again, Kyuhyun didn’t remove his arm around me and just used his left hand to do the sign. He even placed his head against mine as he did it.

And here I though this day couldn’t get any better.

FINALLY AN UPDATE =)) It’s been waaaaaaay too long. I’m sorry though. Every time I am free, I do write but it just takes a long time for me to finish it.

I hope you’ll still read this >.< THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! :D
Chapter 19

“Kyu? Don’t space out!” Sungmin hyung pinched my arm as we waited outside Manager hyung’s office.

“I—I’m not.” I stuttered.

“I was asking you a question but you were staring blankly ahead. How is that not spacing out?” Sungmin hyung sighed as he patted my shoulder.

“I’m sorry. What were you saying?” I asked. In honesty, my mind was pitch black and only the word ‘termination’ was seen. My eyes droopy because I lacked sleep and I feel groggy ever since Manager hyung sent me that message.

“Kyu, you need to get a hold of yourself. How can you function when you’re like this?” He shook his head.

“I don’t even know what to think right now.” I buried my face in my palms as I felt Sungmin hyung patting my back.

“Then don’t think of anything. Just breathe in and out.” Hyung heaved a sigh once again.

“I’m sorry if I’m troubling you with this. I shouldn’t have gotten you into this mess.” I felt apologetic towards Sungmin hyung because he seemed stressed out over this.

“Are you kidding me? You don’t have to say sorry for anything. Don’t worry yourself too much.” He was surprisingly taken aback by my apology.

“It’s just that I see you stressing over this problem when it’s not even yours to begin with.” I explained.

“Kyu, we are part of one group. Meaning, we are a team and more than that, we are brothers. So whatever is your problem is also my problem and it will be the problem of the whole group soon. Don’t think that we will be burdened by that. Just think that if everyone knew, we would be one in fighting this. I know that the hyungs can help the best but of course, one particular member should know about this first.” Sungmin hyung’s words were touching and I felt like an army was behind me, backing me up.

I just can’t bear to hear another indirect hint of hyung about telling this to Ryeowook. My conscience is haunting me and guilt is building up. As days pass by, it just gets worse. The more I prolong this, the greater the pain Ryeowook will feel. But no matter what I do, there’s this leash preventing me to. I feel like there’s something that needs to be done first before I can even tell him. I just don’t know what that something is.

“You’re doing it again, hyung.” I looked at him with my murderous eyes.

“Why?!” He acted like he didn’t know what I meant. “What did I do now?”

“Don’t act innocent. I can see through you.” I rolled my eyes.

“Okay fine, you got me. But, hey, I was just saying what was needed to be said.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“I know, I know. But don’t dig deeper into my hole of conscience, okay?”

“Kid, even though I’m not there to smother you with my words, that hole is digging deeper by itself already.” Sungmin hyung said it like it was common sense.

“Don’t call me kid. Ryeowook used to call me kid during the earlier days of Super Junior. When he was still pretending that he didn’t know me.” Bringing in those memories just added to the confusion.

“How could I forget? It was the era of haughty Ryeowook and dead kid Kyuhyun. But look where we are now and how you changed.” Sungmin hyung smiled.

“Uhh, we’re outside hyung’s office waiting for my turn in contract termination’s door? And I did change, to a person who looks like he’s been strangled by mishaps.” I literally answered Sungmin hyung’s question.

“I didn’t mean that you pessimistic person who has taken over Kyu’s body. I meant that the both of you got over your behavior complex and that you’re back together again.” He tried to put some sense into me.

“And I know we’re gonna break up soon again, thanks to me.” I didn’t even like the words my mouth produced.

“Just shut up if you don’t know how to say sensible things.” Sungmin hyung pointed at my lips.

At that very moment when I was about to retort back an argument to Sungmin hyung, the door to Manager hyung’s office opened and the trainees that were inside a while ago were already heading out. When they saw the two of us, they immediately bowed down and gave their greetings. One of them, I noticed, had swollen eyes like she just finished crying.

“What was that about?” Sungmin hyung asked.

“I don’t know but I have a bad feeling about this.” I felt sick at the pit of my stomach knowing that maybe later, I’ll be like that trainee going out of the office with tears on my eyes.

“You’re different from her, Kyu. Besides, we don’t even know why she’s like that.” Sungmin hyung and I spoke in hushed voices as we watched the 3 trainees walk away.

“Kyu, Sungmin.” Manager hyung opened his door for us and the both of us came in without a word.

Every time I enter his office, it seems so alien to me. I know I haven’t come here much but there’s this irksome aura that I always sense whenever I set foot in this room. If I already felt that way before, just imagine how even more dreadful I am feeling at the moment, like the whole world is on my shoulders.

“So Kyu, you decided to tell Sungmin, huh?” Manager hyung pointed at the chairs in front of his table and we both sat down, facing each other.

Instead of sitting down, Manager hyung stayed standing up and he tapped his pen against the table which made me more anxious.

“Why? Is it a violation that he told about this to others?” Sungmin hyung shook a bit.

“No.” Manager hyung nonchalantly said. He sighed and finally sat down. “I just didn’t expect that you’re the member that Kyuhyun chose to confide this secret with.”

What? Even Manager hyung thinks the same way as Sungmin hyung. Is this some guilt trip the both of them planned? But wait, Manager hyung doesn’t know about my relationship with Ryeowook.

“Why, hyung? Who were you expecting?” To make things worse, Sungmin hyung decided to ask this question.

I placed a hand on my head and gave Sungmin hyung another murderous look.

“You know, Ryeowook. Since I know that they’re best friends.” It was as if Manager hyung knew everything.

“Ryeowook has a lot on his mind right now. I can’t just add up to the things worrying him.” I made up a pretty general excuse.

Manager hyung fumbled with his laptop while I was speaking, looking rather uninterested with my words.

“Are you busy, hyung? Should we come at another time?” Sungmin hyung asked, seeing Manager hyung working on something in his laptop.

“No no no! I was just fixing something here.” He said which made me curious because I thought of helping him since I know a lot on computers.

“What is it, hyung? Do you need help?” I leaned over to check what he was doing but he immediately moved it away from me, only seeing a glimpse of what seemed like a video with the face of a man.

“I can manage!” He tried not to raise his voice but he failed.

“I’m sorry, hyung. I thought you needed help.” I quickly went back to my seat, hands trembling with what I just did.

“It’s okay, Kyu.” He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and smiled at me. “I just lost it there for a second.”

“You have to forgive him, hyung. He’s just agitated knowing what you’ll discuss with him today.” Sungmin hyung said in my behalf.

“Yeah, hyung. Were you having troubles with a video you were watching?” I still offered to help so that he won’t think badly of me.

“No, I wasn’t.” He continued to move the mouse and clicked away.

“Were you possibly having a video conversation with someone, then?” I continued to ask to start the conversation with a light mood.

“It’s none of your business, Kyu. I don’t need help with anything.” Manager hyung looked surprised with my question, as if hitting the right target he doesn’t want me to know.

“Oh, sorry. I’m just, uhh, anxious like what Sungmin hyung said.” I looked down on my hands and played with it, giving off the vision that I’m nervous.

“Okay!” Manager hyung clapped his hand which made me jump a little. “My business with my laptop is done. Let’s start this.”

“Even though I think of it a thousand times, I can’t find a proper reason why the company must terminate Kyuhyun’s contract. I mean he’s been nothing but good to everyone and he plays an important role in the group.” Sungmin hyung started.

“Well, first of all you shouldn’t let this spread because we want to keep this as confidential as possible. It’s fine that you told this to one member, although I expected it to be Ryeowook, but that’s it. Don’t tell the other members yet until the decision has been made final.” Manager hyung just left his laptop open and I had this inkling that he was having a video conversation with someone, and whoever that person is, he might be listening to our talk.

There he goes again with mentioning Ryeowook.

“Wait, I can’t even tell my parents?” I asked. If I was going to lose my job, I figured that it was just right to give my parents a heads up.

“Again, don’t tell anyone yet until everything’s been certain. What if you told your parents and they begin to worry only to find out that it won’t push through? It will just be a bigger mess and we don’t need that right now.” Manager hyung explained but I still didn’t get his point.

“Can you just imagine how outraged my parents will be if I tell them about this the moment the company has decided to go with it? Won’t they feel wronged that I didn’t include them in the process? Please reconsider what you’re saying, hyung, and put yourself in the shoes of my parents.” I reasoned out.

“Kyu, the company hasn’t even started the talks yet. Meaning, this issue is just hanging in the air at the moment and as I said, nothing’s been decided yet.” Manager hyung said back, really convincing me to keep it among the 3 of us.

“But you know it’s okay if you tell Ryeowook since you two are pretty close. That’s the limit. You, me, Sungmin and Ryeowook.” What the hell was wrong with him? Why does he keep on pushing me to tell Ryeowook?

“Let’s just keep it to the 3 of us, okay?” I indirectly went against his statement.

“Wait wait wait. You 2 are already jumping to the conclusion when you haven’t even discussed why the possibility of termination exists!” Sungmin hyung spoke up.

“He’s right, hyung. What have I done?” I nodded.

“You were gone for too long, Kyu.” I was waiting for a further explanation but he stopped there.

“That’s it? The valid reason to terminate my contract was because I was gone for too long? Hyung, you know what happened to me! Do you think I wanted that accident to happen?! There’s a reason we call it an accident. I can’t accept that reason.” I was finally gaining momentum as I realized I can have a fight in this.

“I know what you mean and I feel for you. What you said right now were the words in my head when the company laid this down to me.” Manager hyung explained and I felt bad for being mad at him.

“Seriously, that’s it? I thought you were still gonna expound on it.” Sungmin hyung was laughing because of the silliness of the reason. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“My thoughts exactly. YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.” I raised my voice at the stupidity of the idea.

“Calm down the both of you. That’s why I’m telling you not to tell anyone first but believe me when I say that the company is pretty serious about this. I think it’s because of the clauses in the contract. Being gone for too long violates a said clause that I can’t even remember. How can I even call myself your manager when I don’t know?” He laughed lightly.

Hearing those words, I realized that I shouldn’t be feeling at ease. Yeah, I do remember something about that clause in the contract and upon remembering, my confident smile turned into a sour one and my heart suddenly dropped when it was just fluttering a while ago.

“I will request a copy of the contract from the company and review it. If ever I find a loophole out of this, I will immediately inform you, Kyu. For now, just keep on training harder and follow everything that’s been asked of you to avoid complications. We don’t want to give them reasons to push through with the termination of your contract right then and there. As much as possible, we need to show how qualified you are to stay for tons of years to come.” Manager hyung stood up and patted my shoulder.

“Can’t I help in any way? You can’t just expect me to sit here and wait for any news to come. I need to do something to about it so I can be calm.” I asked.

“I’m afraid you need to stay out of this at the moment. When it’s time, I’ll call you then that’s the only time you can join in the process.”

“But that’s unfair! The subject here is Kyuhyun. He has the right to be a part of it.” Sungmin hyung’s on the same page as me.

“I know but that’s not how it works here in our company. I think it’s not new to you that SM Entertainment is one of the harshest agencies here in Korea.” Manager hyung shook his head, understanding the system of the place where we all work at.

“It will be an understatement if I said I’ve only heard about it because I am fully knowledgeable of it. It’s all over the internet for crying out loud.” I agreed.

“Just hang in there, Kyu. For you too, Sungmin. There’s a reason why you’re part of this company. It means you overcame the obstacle of getting in and that you have what it takes to become two of the greatest artists in the industry. Getting to where you are right now is no joke. Others would have quit at the middle of the training but you guys stayed and look where you are right now, isn’t it worth it?”

“Yes it’s all worth it because this is what we wanted but I might just lose what I have already earned if the termination happens.” I sighed.

“You need a break, Kyu. You have to unwind and relax. Find a person to go with you, the one who can make you feel at peace then go out and have fun. I promise you that it will help.” Manager hyung smiled.

Only one person came into my head. Need I say who it is? It’s obvious. I already had it pictured in my head. When I get back to the dorm, I will hug him tight until there’s no space for him to breathe, I will kiss him like I’ve never kissed those sweet lips before, I’ll snuggle into his arms as we watch a movie on his laptop inside our room with the curtains closed and the door locked and finally I want to fall asleep in his arms then wake up only to find out that what happened the day before was reality and far from being a dream. That’s what I will do.

“The two of you should get going. I still have a meeting in 10 minutes. I’ll just call you for further updates.” Manager hyung smiled and I smiled back. It’s the least that I can do for repaying his efforts in saving me.

“Thank you so much, hyung. Please do tell me if you need anything.” I said and Sungmin hyung nodded beside me.

“Let’s go, Kyu. We need to spend our free time wisely.” Sungmin hyung said and we both said our goodbyes to Manager hyung.

“Remember what Manager hyung said? Let’s keep it among the 4 of us, meaning it includes Ryeowook.” Sungmin hyung said as we got out of the elevator and started walking towards the door of our dorm.

“Remember what I said back? Let’s keep it among the 3 of us. But hyung, was it only me or does it seem like Manager hyung’s conspiring with you. Is the whole thing planned by the two of you just to test me?”

“Kyu, how would I plot something like that with him when in the first place he doesn’t know anything about you and Wook? Something’s fishy here.” Sungmin hyung’s forehead creased while thinking of it.

“Donghae hyung?” I decided to crack a joke.

“Okay, Kyu. I wasn’t referring to that kind of fishy. But seriously, I feel like hyung knows something.” He rolled his eyes at my joke but suddenly became serious when he mentioned his suspicion.

“That makes two of us. Originally, I thought he was gonna terminate my contract because of my relationship with Ryeowook. Good thing it wasn’t because I don’t want to go through that the same problem again.”

“That problem you’re talking about has no difference with what you’re dealing with right now. Both situations, you didn’t tell Ryeowook. So what do you expect the result will be?”Sungmin hyung was connecting the dots for me and he was just waiting for me to see the picture as a whole.

“I get what you’re saying. I’m a better person; therefore I won’t let the same thing happen again. I just need to find a different way to solve this without causing too much damage on Ryeowook at the end.”

“Telling him is the ultimate solution!” Sungmin hyung said as if he was saying something that is already accepted as common sense.

“I’ll do this my own way, hyung. I hope you understand.” I pressed the door bell of our dorm and Ryeowook appeared in front of the door in a second.

“I’ve been waiting for you!” Ryeowook cheerfully said.

“Hey.” I beamed at him.

“Yeah, I’m here. Don’t treat me like I’m air.” Sungmin hyung said in a monotone voice.

“Sorry, hyung. Welcome back!” Ryeowook’s laugh is music to my ears.

“You missed me too much, Ryeowook.” I sighed happily and finally hugged him. The feeling of home, warmth and love was all summed up in Ryeowook’s embrace.

“I’ll go inside before the ants eat me too because of your sweetness.” Sungmin hyung patted my back and he went inside. It was like an encouraging pat, saying yes Kyu, I know you can do this on your own so best of luck to you.

“Are the other hyungs inside?” I whispered to his ear as I tightened the hug.

“Yesung hyung’s inside so we better be careful. Let’s just lock our room.” Ryeowook whispered back but it was obvious in his voice that he was having hard time breathing. I’m glad to know that he’s not complaining about it.

“You read my mind.” I smirked.

“I always do so there’s no point in hiding anything from me.” Ryeowook said the words which cause for my body to jolt and beads of sweat to form on my forehead.

“What? Did I say something wrong?” Ryeowook smiled as I released him from my hug. His smile was different from his usual pure smile; it was more like of a mischievous smile.

“No! It’s nothing. I just felt a sudden coldness in my back. Can you help me get rid of it?” I smiled and pulled him inside the dorm.

“Of course I will. Do you want to watch a movie on my laptop while I do that?” He suggested.

“Wow, do we have telepathy or something because I was just thinking of the same thing.” I laughed as we sneaked into our room and locked the door then we went for his bed.

As planned, I snuggled into his arms before he can even move to get his laptop.

“I have a perfect copy of your mind right inside mine so I know everything.” He laughed but it just scared me. How can he say those things?

“Kyu! How can I even get my laptop if you already locked me up in your arms?” He played with my hair and caressed my back.

“Get it later! We have nothing but time.” I said but I might be lying. I wouldn’t know, right? If the termination goes on then my time will be limited but if it doesn’t then it means I’m not lying.

“You’ll never know what might happen the next day, Kyu, so we better spend each day as if it’s our last day together.” His words shook my head and heart, confused whether he knows something or not.

I HAVE NOTHING MUCH TO SAY BUT SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE AND THANK YOU FOR STILL READING. I haven’t even replied to the comments of the previous chapter D: Need to work on that soon. But now, I need to focus on school. Hope you understand.

‘Til the next update! :D

Chapter 18

“Is that how much you love my surprise that you even cried this hard?!” Ryeowook asked while we were on the couch. He was sitting and I was lying down, my head resting on his lap. He was just gently playing with my hair.

“Maybe? I wasn’t really touched with what you did.” I was feeling a lot better after Ryeowook comforted me for a few minutes and now I was starting to say jokes to him.

“Hey!” He slapped my arm and almost stood up.

“Ryeowook-ah! I was kidding!” I held on tightly to his hand so he can’t go anywhere. “Of course your surprise moved me.”

“But you did scare me there a while ago. I thought something big happened.” Ryeowook squeezed my hand.

I hate myself for lying to him. I did this to him before and now I’m doing it again even though I promised not to.

“You were just being paranoid. That’s all.” I felt uneasy as I said my words.

“So, you planned a surprise, huh?” Ryeowook was smiling mischievously now.

“Oh, crap.” I released his hand from my grip and used it to cover my face bashfully. Seriously, it was embarrassing how my surprise ended up like this.

“Don’t be shy!” He removed my hand from my face but I still closed my eyes.

“It’s really embarrassing.” I said.

“It’s not! That was actually really sweet of you. You don’t know how much my heart fluttered the second I knew that there was a surprise.” Ryeowook looked down on me with a soft smile.

“I… ugh, this is too cheesy. This is so not me!” I laughed as I felt my toes curl.

“Now you know why I was really touched. Because it’s not you to do such things.” He was using the back of his hand to caress my face.

“It would’ve been the best thing ever.” I caught his hand with mine and looked up at him.

“Would you tell me what were you planning to do?” Ryeowook asked.

“Well, you know that I was planning to make the room look like our old room, right?” I said.

“Yeah. That alone is a spectacular idea. Why don’t we just imagine that we’re in that room right now?” He suggested.

“Let’s say we’re on your bed, just like this.” I saw him close his eyes and smile so I did the same and visualized the room in my head.

“What’s the scene on your mind right now?” He asked.

It didn’t even take me to think hard to see the room in my head. When Ryeowook asked me as to what scene is on my mind, I suddenly remembered the times when I was just lying down on my bed and I would watch him do different things around our small room.

“I picture you cooking and talking endlessly while I just stare at you with an idiotic smile on my face. Then you suddenly stop moving and talking. You realize you’re not talking to anybody so you look at me and caught me drooling.” I sighed with a smile as I remember the days but there’s still a sad side inside of me.

“Ah, I remember. That scene would always happen.” Even though our eyes were closed, I know we were both smiling as we held onto each other’s hand.

“And every time you caught me, I would tell you to stop cooking first and come beside me for awhile. Of course you would always refuse at first, telling me that you need to finish cooking our dinner but later on you’ll find yourself in my arms.” That’s such a good memory to remember.

“You’d always find your way to trick me.” He said.

“It’s not that I’m good at tricking you, it’s because you love me so much, right?” I replied.

“Of course.” I opened my eyes to see that he still haven’t opened his. His face was comforting, gentle and welcoming.

“What about you? What scene do you remember?” I asked and closed my eyes again.

“I don’t know why but I see you walking out the bathroom with only a towel around your waist. I’m trying to think of other scenes but that’s all I can remember.” Ryeowook’s laugh was more like a giggle.

“Ya. Kim Ryeowook.” I said seriously with a deep tone.

“What?!” He exclaimed.

“I poured out my heart to you by telling a sweet memory and yet you tell a perverted one. If you wanna see me naked just say so, okay?” I sometimes wonder what goes on inside Ryeowook’s mind.

“I’m not perverted, Kyuhyun! At least I honestly said what’s on my mind and I do not want to see you naked, for your information.” He reasoned out.

I can sense from his voice that he really meant what he said and that he really is clueless why he thought of that memory.

“You know, Wookie, when a person thinks of things, there’s a part of them that wants it to happen in reality and it also means that this certain thought is always in the person’s mind. That’s why we have dreams. We keep on thinking about it and we unconsciously bring it to sleep.” Here comes my intellectual side again.

“You’re really mean, Kyu. Why do you always do this to me? Giving me reasons to embarrass myself in front of you.” I predicted that Ryeowook was pouting at that moment.

“So you admit it?! You want to see me naked?!” I said in a surprised voice and I sat up while opening my eyes.

“ No!” He opened his eyes as well and had this worried expression on.

“I bet you’d do anything to make me strip my shirt in front of you.” I smirked as I was playing with him again.

“Kyuhyun! You and your naked body enjoy each other’s company!” I literally laughed out loud with what he said.

“But Wookie, we want your company.” I was forcing myself to stop laughing.

“I’m so sorry Kyu, but you’re too perverted for me to handle.” He was serious now.

“Okay, okay. I was just kidding, Wook-ah.” I sat down beside him and he placed his head on my shoulder.

“I don’t where you inherited that trait of yours.” I felt him shake his head.

“Have you seen yourself?! If you have, you’ll know why I’m like this.” I was emphasizing on how he made me crazy.

“You praise me too much, Kyu. Yeah, you’re my boyfriend but you don’t have to make up all of those lies just to make me feel better.” I know he was just trying to show off his humility.

“Deep inside, I know you enjoy me praising you. And no, I’m not making anything up. I’m telling the truth. Ask your fans.” I said in an assuring tone.

“Whatever, Kyu. Let’s just eat the cake before the members see it.” He stood up and I followed behind him as we went to the kitchen.

He stayed at the dining table while I got the cake slicer, two plates and a glass of water. While I did that, Ryeowook removed the candle on the cake and clapped his hands like an excited little kid when I arrived and sat down in front of him.

“Oh no, the baby is too excited to eat the cake even though it was supposed to be a present for me.” I said in a sarcastic tone but only to tease Ryeowook.

“But the baby worked hard and ran around just to buy this cake so he deserves to eat half of it.” He played along.

“Since I am kind and I love the baby so much, I will let the baby eat to his heart’s content.” I gave him a slice and he started to eat like there was no tomorrow.

“Whoa, the baby needs to slow down, okay?” I said before I started eating.

“My upper teeth are really killing me these days. It hurts so much that it keeps me awake at night.” Ryeowook shared as he was near to finishing his first slice.

“Then why are you still eating sweets!?” I almost pulled the plate away from him but he managed to snatch it first.

“Don’t worry. I’ll go to the dentist tomorrow.” He continued to eat. “Or maybe never.”

“Don’t be like that! You need to take care of your teeth especially that you’re a public figure.” I said as I prepared another slice for him.

“I will. I will. I was just kidding, okay. Now move faster and give the baby that slice of cake.” His attention was just really on the cake and he didn’t even look at me.

“You should have bought a bigger cake if you crave for it this much.” The cake was small and good for two persons only.

“But if I did, we won’t able to finish it and the members would question us why is there a cake in the refrigerator.” He explained.

“You do have a point but at this rate, it looks like you can finish those 3-layer wedding cakes.” I watched him chomp on his cake.

“Just shut up and eat while I’m still good to you.” Ryeowook said and raised his eyebrows on me.

“Wow, the baby knows how to say shut up.” I commented and carried on with eating.

All of the sudden, the doorbell rung and we were both in a state of panic.

“Wait, let’s calm down first. Maybe it’s not the members. Well, if it’s them, just swallow the whole cake, okay?” I told Ryeowook as I headed for the door.

I pressed the button and spoke through the mic. “Who’s there?”

“It’s just Sungmin so no need to panic.” Hearing Sungmin hyung’s voice, relief washed through me.

“Okay, Ryeowook, you don’t have to swallow the whole thing.” I half-shouted to Ryeowook.

“Awww.” I heard him groan as I opened the door.

Ever since Sungmin hyung shared to us his tragic story about the girl he liked, he’s been doing much better. He looks good again with his original glowing face, warm smile, jolly self and optimistic side. All he needed was someone to tell that secret to and one night of wallowing over it. After that night when he drowned himself with soju and cried his heart out, he was able to slowly move on the next days.

“You two! What are you up to again?” He faked an angry voice which sent me to laughter.

Seeing how Sungmin hyung improved, I suddenly had the urge to tell him my biggest concern at the moment, and that was what Manager hyung’s text message contained. Maybe it’s true that telling another soul your worries will help you feel better and I know I will since Sungmin hyung has been there for me all this time.

Before we reach Ryeowook in the dining table, I halted Sungmin hyung to a stop.

“Hyung, I need to tell you something. It’s not a joke. Ryeowook can’t know of this.” I figured that he sensed the seriousness in my face.

“Okay, Kyu.” He nodded immediately and we started to walk again towards Ryeowook.

“Act normal.” I whispered.

When we reached Ryeowook, Sungmin hyung complied with my order.

“A cake?! Why didn’t you leave some for me!?” Sungmin hyung pouted.

“Ryeowook! Where’s the cake?!” I looked at where it was placed a while ago, but I can’t see any traces of cake anymore except on Ryeowook’s lips.

“In my stomach.” He laughed.

All that was left was the first and only slice of cake I was eating.

“Hey! Good thing I didn’t eat your share!” Ryeowook said as if he did me a big favor.

“What’s the point of giving it to me as a gift?” I went over to his side and wiped the tidbits of cake around his lips using tissue.

“Ouch! Kyu, careful. My teeth really hurt.” Ryeowook flinched.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Why don’t you go and see a dentist already?” I suggested.

“You should tell Manager hyung first. He won’t let you just go to just any dentist. I bet he’ll even accompany you.” Sungmin hyung said and I realized that it’s an opportunity to be able to speak to Sungmin hyung about my problem.

“Oh, okay.” Ryeowook grabbed his phone and called Manager hyung.

“Hyung, I think I need to go to the dentist. My upper teeth are killing me.” He said through the phone.

“Hmm, okay. I’ll wait for you then. Oh, okay, I’ll tell him. Bye.” Ryeowook hung up and looked at us. “You’re right, he said he’ll go with me.”

“Of course managers are protective over the image of their artists.” Sungmin hyung said as he sat down on the couch.

“Oh and hyung said to call him.” Ryeowook looked at me and directed his words to me.

“Me? Oh, okay.” I wavered for a second. He shouldn’t have said anything to Ryeowook even though he just passed on that message. Of course, Ryeowook would be curious.

“Why would he ask you to call him?” As expected, he asked.

“I don’t know. I’ll just call him later and find out.” I tried my best to act like nothing’s wrong.

The both of us joined Sungmin hyung on the couch and waited for Manager hyung’s call so Ryeowook could meet him downstairs.

“Do you want me to come with you?” I asked Ryeowook.

“No need. Manager hyung’s there and you’ll just be bored while waiting for me.” He answered which made me feel relieved. I don’t want to have any alone time with Manager hyung at the moment.

I walked with Ryeowook up to the elevators when he was about to leave.

“I’ll be back, okay?” Ryeowook said.

“Okay. I hope you’ll feel better after your trip to the dentist.” I placed an arm around his waist while waiting for the elevator.

“Don’t miss me too much.” He giggled.

“I think you’re the one who’ll miss me more.” I pulled him closer to me.

“You’re so full of yourself but fine, I’ll admit it.” The elevator doors opened and he kissed my cheek.

“Be safe, Ryeowook.” I waved until the elevator doors were closed.

I slowly retreated the elevators and made my way back to the dorm. My heart was feeling heavy as I walked back in and slumped down on the couch with Sungmin hyung beside me.

“What’s this about?” Sungmin hyung turned off the television and looked at me with a smile. I envy him because he can still smile.

I shifted my gaze to the wall and stared at it while plotting in my mind if I should really tell him.

Am I making the biggest mistake here? I know that Ryeowook should be the first one to know about this but it can’t be helped. I’m too scared that he might react without thinking properly and that it would just pain the both of us. At least if I tell it to someone like Sungmin hyung, he can help me to think thoroughly of what I should do.

But if this was happening to Ryeowook and I learned that I wasn’t the first person he confided it with, I would feel sad and angry.

All of this buts are really getting into my head like a drill just digging in.

“Kyu?” Sungmin hyung shook my arm which made me look at him.

“Oh.” I let out.

“What were you gonna tell me?” His face was serious now.

I thought about it again. Should I tell him or not? If I did, I know Ryeowook would understand. Both of us are close to Sungmin hyung and he knows that hyung’s the only member who helped me the most. I’m sure, he’ll understand. Ryeowook isn’t someone who’ll get mad over it easily.

“Why do you look so pale? This isn’t anything big, right? It’s not as if you’re gonna leave the group.” Sungmin hyung shrugged and patted my back. He said it without thinking but it made my breathing faster.

My whole body felt hot and I felt sick at the pit of my stomach, like I was about to throw up. Eventually, I think it showed in the sudden stiffness of my body.

“Oh God.” Sungmin hyung slowly sat up straight and placed his hand to cover his mouth. “Kyu, I didn’t--“

Tears started to well up in my eyes and one by one, it fell.

“I said that without thinking, Kyu. So how could that be true?” His voice was tensed and scared.

“I—I don’t….kno--ow.” I managed to say. My body stayed unmoved while Sungmin hyung was starting to be hysterical beside me.

“You’re joking, right?!” He stood up which only made me cry more.

I grabbed my phone from my pocket with shaking hands and opened it to Manager hyung’s message. Every time I see that message, my tears will just roll down automatically and my sobs will be prominent. I almost dropped my phone as I placed it beside me, where Sungmin hyung was sitting down a while ago.

I took a deep breath, wiped away my tears and calmed down my sobs for a moment.

“Manager hyung called me earlier and said that he needs to see me. He said it’s something serious and that I should meet up with him immediately. I asked him to give me a clue about it then he sent me this text message.” I pointed to my phone and Sungmin hyung harshly grabbed it. My sobs began to get louder again.

It took him a few seconds before he can react after reading the message. He dropped my phone on the couch and used both of his hands to cover his mouth again. This time, tears were trickling down his cheeks.

“This is impossible. What did hyung meant by contract termination?!” He exclaimed, obviously surprised and angry.

“I r—really…d--don’t know.” I was taking deeper breaths just to bring back my normal breathing pattern.

“This is beyond unreasonable, unbearable and unacceptable! Let’s not jump to conclusions first, Kyu, okay?” Sungmin hyung wiped away his tears hurriedly and faked a smile. He sat back down beside me and placed both of his hands on my shoulders while I just bent down my head.

“You know, Kyu, the company can’t just terminate your contract for no reason. You play a big role in the group! How can they just let you go?! Maybe they’ll make you sign a new and better contract, right?! Don’t think of anything first.” Sungmin hyung was frantically saying his words.

“I need to meet up with hyung but I just can’t. I’m not yet ready to know the truth.” My words were almost nearing to whispers.

“You should meet up with him! If you want, I’ll go with you! Obviously you can’t defend yourself in your current state. Or do you want Ryeowook to come with you?”

“NO!” I shouted at him. “No, no, no, no, no! He can never hear of this! Promise me, hyung.”

“Kyu! You should let Ryeowook know about this!”

“I know but I bet he’ll just react worse than me. I can’t make him go through that pain.” I explained.

“But it’s Ryeowook that we’re talking about!”

“That’s my point. It’s Ryeowook. I love him too much to let him go through this.”

I’m not late, right?! >.< Well, this is a much quicker update! Sadly, my second term will start in Wednesday already :( Meaning, slow updates again D:

Thank you so much to those who will still read :D Please leave comments! :D

I Admire As I Aspire- Chapter 2

Title: I Admire As I Aspire- Chapter 2
Author: myllwookie
Pairing: KyuWook
Rating: G
Summary: Childish, nagging but sweet Kyuhyun will always be a problem to Ryeowook especially when he has these suppressed feelings for him which he doesn’t know if it’s real or just an infatuation. And adding a TV show filming their dorm lives, forcing all of them to occupy only 1 dorm, will just make things harder for him.

“Does is still hurt?” I asked Kyuhyun while I pressed down the cold compress on his hurt foot.

“I should really tell Yesung hyung to throw all those weights! Look what it did to my foot!” He pouted like a kid and continued to wince in pain every time I pressed down my hand.

“It wasn’t the weights’ fault. You were just acting naughty again and you faced the consequence.” I looked up to him, since he was sitting on the couch and I was on the floor, and he just looked down on me with folded arms across his chest.

“Why are you siding with the weights?!” Kyuhyun argued.

“Why are you talking about it as if it has a life?!” I answered back.

“Still! Why don’t you just comfort me instead of lecturing me?!” He raged like a spoiled kid.

“I am making your foot better, you idiot! Can’t you see what I’m doing?!” I answered in the same raised voice.

“Oh, right.” He answered, dumbfounded. “Sorry, Wookie.”

“Whatever.” I answered with just concentrating on his foot.

“Are you mad at me?” I can hear Kyuhyun’s almost-crying voice.

“No.” I replied stiffly.

“Yes you are!” Kyuhyun answered back.

“Then why even ask me if you already know the answer!” I accidentally pressed the compress harder on his foot which made him flinch.

“Ouch! That’s too much, Wookie! Don’t vent your anger on my injured foot!” He tried to remove his foot from my grip but ended up kicking me right on my chest.

“Cho Kyuhyun!” I was about to retort back when I saw him tear up in pain due to his foot. Perhaps the pain just got worse when he kicked me.

“Kyuhyun-ah.” I just shook my head and went back to pressing the compress on his foot but more cautious this time. I didn’t like seeing Kyu’s hurt face.

“I’m sorry, Wookie. I didn’t mean to make you angry. Please tell me that you forgive me.” He reached out to hold onto my hands which made me stop concentrating my gaze on the compress. I looked up to him and I wish I didn’t. His angelic face served as my kryptonite again. Why can’t I control my mind when I see his face up close?!

“Of course I forgive you, Kyu. I wasn’t even seriously mad in the first place. Now, tell hyung what would you like to eat and I’ll make it for you.” I was defeated again.

“I want to eat ice cream, Wookie-ah! Can we go out?! Oh please please please!” Kyuhyun’s eyes widened in excitement and his body bounced a few times.

“We can’t, Kyu! You’re injured and I’m sure Manager hyung will scold you for not taking care of your body.” There was no way that I was letting Kyuhyun out given his current state.

“But it doesn’t hurt anymore! See!” He stood up just like a normal person and walked like he was totally fine.

“We’re you faking everything?!” I stood up and placed a hand on my hips.

“No I wasn’t!” He ran towards me and hugged me from the back which wasn’t good for me.

Ya, Kyu. Don’t you know that back hugs are my favorite? It’s the sweetest thing in the world for me. But how could you do it randomly? I wanted it to occur in a special moment. And yet, I can’t get myself to tell you to stop. Maybe because I hoped that you’d be the first one to do it to me and my wish was apparently granted.

I couldn’t bring myself to say how I really felt.

He hugged me tighter and shook my body.

“I swear, Wookie! I wasn’t faking!” His lips were directly behind my ear. Even though the loudness of his voice was deafening, I still didn’t have objections.

“Ya! Kyu! Do you really have to hug me?! Let go!” I was able to release myself from his arms before it can even make a larger damage to my feelings.

“So, Wook-ah, can we eat ice cream?!” He started to clap his hands like a little kid. Actually, all of his actions when he’s with me are those of a kid.

“Sometimes, Kyu, I think it’s creepy that you suddenly change in front of me but act cold and devilish in front of others. Are you by any chance bipolar?” I laughed a bit.

“Just like what I said multiple times, it’s a privilege. You were the only kind person when I joined the group and you were always beside me. You even comforted me when I cried. That’s why you’re the only person worthy of my sweetness.” He smiled cheekily at the end of his statement.

If Kyuhyun’s looks were meant to make me weak, his words are like magic that makes my mind blank which results to staring at him in awe.

“Wow, Kyu. Hearing your words, I don’t think I mind your naughtiness and irritable attitude in front of me anymore.” I nodded and stared at him with my mouth half-open.

“Wookie, you!” He placed an arm around my neck and disheveled my hair.

“Okay, okay! I surrender! I take back the mean things I said.” He finally released me and hugged me once again, but this time, just the normal kind of hug. Good thing. If he did the back hug again, I don’t think I can handle it anymore.

“Now, that’s the Wookie I know.” At that moment, his semi-serious state vanished when he started to shake my arm. “So, shall we eat ice cream!?”

“But I don’t think your foot is really okay.” I acted like I was having second thoughts even though I really know that he’s fine.

“Wookie-ah!!” He pouted again and flashed me his glistening eyes.

“This kid! Hearing ice cream and all of a sudden you’re better!?” I shook my head with a smile.

“You really know me, Wookie-ah!” Kyuhyun said with a wide smile.

“Okay. Let’s go!” I said and grabbed two sweaters from my room.

“Here you go.” I tossed one to Kyuhyun.

“Thanks, Wookie!” He wore it and appeared to be comfortable which made my heart at ease.

“Ya! When we go back, you really need to help me with my things! Seriously!” I said as I turned off the lights and headed for the door.

“I promise! I’ll do anything you say! I promise to be a good kid!” With that, he trailed behind me as we made our way to the elevator. While waiting, he grabbed my hand and swayed it.

Oh no, here he goes again. Stop it with the deadly actions, Kyu! You don’t know how much you make me hope for nothing!

I decided that I shouldn’t comment on what he just did so we waited for the elevator in silence. When we got in, he released my hand and started to build back his cool image.

“And here comes the Kyu that everyone knows.” I looked at him. Even though he just released my hand and changed the way he stood, I was seeing a totally different Kyuhyun. I know that he was still the same man who was holding onto my hand a while ago but there was something in him that I can sense which lead me to the conclusion that he will be the evil Kyu when we leave this elevator.

“It’s a privilege, Wookie. Just remember that.” He said in his serious and manly voice. Instead of flashing me a big smile, he smirked to me.

Did I mention that Kyuhyun smirking was also not good for me? If I did, then I would just like to reiterate it and emphasize on this deadly feature of his.

“Can I ask you a question, Kyu?” All of a sudden, I was back to being under him.

“Sure, Wookie.” He replied.

“Between these two personalities of yours, which one is real?” I was starting to doubt that maybe his sweet side was the fake one.

“Both, I guess. I’m just awfully nice to people who are extra kind to me and you’re one of them. Why?”

“Oh, nothing.” The elevator doors opened and we head out to the ice cream parlor near our dorm.

I believe Kyuhyun lied to himself. This side of him that he shows to others wasn’t real. I’m not saying that he’s completely bad if he puts on this side of him. He’s still nice and kind but there’s still the evilness that dominates. I just think that he’s a coward for not showing his hyper and sweet side to others. He’s afraid of what society might label him as that’s why he puts on a cool image for everyone to go crazy about.

Me, from the beginning, even before I realized I was in love with a man, I wasn’t afraid to show to the public that I am the type of person who is touchy, affectionate and someone who’s not afraid of what the others might think about me. Because of that, I see numerous comments on sites that I am feminine, gay and whatnot. I didn’t mind those words before because they weren’t real. But now, look, I ended up liking a man which is immediately linked to being gay and I don’t care what it makes me look like because I know it’s what makes me happy. I just don’t want to blurt it out because Kyuhyun’s too worried over his image. I can’t be selfish and just consider my own principles.

It explains why I get along with Sungmin hyung the best. He too, is just like me. Yeah, he does like the color pink a lot but he doesn’t give a damn to what might people think of him. He gets the same comments too, about being gay and feminine but he doesn’t care. We talked about it a few times already and we both said that we wouldn’t care about external voices as long as we are having fun and we’re not doing anything wrong.

Nonetheless, life must go on and I’ll just see where it will lead me to.

When we arrived at the ice cream parlor, of course, people started to whisper and look at us like we were something to eat.

“Come on, let’s order.” I said and I went to the counter with Kyuhyun behind me. He kept on smiling awkwardly at anyone who smiles at him.

“Good afternoon, Ryeowook oppa!” The girl who was taking the orders said in a high-pitched voice.

“Good afternoon!” I greeted back.

“What brings you here?!” The girl was leaning over so she would be nearer me. I didn’t mind it since I was already used to it every time I come here but it was Kyuhyun who had a problem with it.

“Obviously we’re here to eat ice cream.” Kyuhyun stepped forward and spoke in an annoyed tone.

I immediately thought that it was Kyuhyun showing his usual self.

“Oh, right.” The girl nodded. “I’m so sorry for that, Kyuhyun oppa.”

“Don’t mind him. We’ll just have two cones of cookies n’ cream with two scoops in each.” I smiled sincerely at the girl.

“Would that be all, oppa?” The girl asked.

“Of course that would be all! If he wanted anything else he would have said it already. And excuse me but do you normally address your male customers as oppa?” Kyuhyun spoke once again and I swear I wanted to beat the hell out of him right then and there. He was giving himself a bad image and reputation.

“I’m sorry again, sir.” The girl really looked apologetic this time.

“Shut up, Kyuhyun. Don’t be such a jerk.” I hissed which made him quiet and stunned.

“Here’s the payment.” I handed in the money and we headed to a vacant table.

We chose to sit down at the corner where there were not much people so we can receive less attention.

“What the hell was that?!” I whispered angrily.

“Wookie-ah! I’m so sorry but that girl was really getting on my nerves.” Kyuhyun was back to his Ryeowook side. Yes, from now on I will call it the Ryeowook side.

“Why couldn’t you just hold it in?! Don’t you know how much would that damage your reputation?” I was at it again.

“I know but I don’t know why! I just got irritated! Especially the way she was talking to you and kept calling you oppa in a flirty way. I hate those kind of girls.” Kyuhyun continued to answer me back despite the glare I was giving him.

“And so what if she was like that with me?! Have you forgotten who we are? We’re idols, for crying out loud! It’s normal if girls act that way around us! We should be thankful that she recognizes us. It means she supports us.” My mouth won’t stop. I know this will hurt Kyuhyun, that I’m scolding him, but I didn’t care. He was way out of line.

“I don’t care if I have a bad reputation. I don’t care what people think about me. She was just irritating, that’s all. And just like I said, I don’t know why I was so mad at her.” Kyuhyun’s voice became softer and his face was a lot calmer and apologetic.

That’s what he thinks. Knowing Kyuhyun, I know that what people think about him matters. He just fools himself that he doesn’t care.

“Okay, fine. I’ll let it slide this time. But next time, if you act this way again, I will surely give you a longer lecture and I would disown you as my favorite dongsaeng in the group.” I crossed my arms against my chest.

All of a sudden, Kyuhyun started to laugh.

“What’s so funny?!” I looked exasperated.

“Have you forgotten that I’m your only dongsaeng in Super Junior? You’re the second youngest, remember?” He continued to enjoy my little mistake.

“Whatever, Kyu.” I was starting to loosen up.

“So, I’m your favorite dongsaeng, huh?!” Kyuhyun extended his hand across the table and tickled me.

“Ya, Kyu. Just like you said, you’re the only dongsaeng so I don’t have a choice.” I tried to look away from him.

“You know Wookie, it’s your choice if you can label me as your favorite or not. I can simply be a dongsaeng to you or I can be the favorite dongsaeng. But it’s clear to me now that I’m the favorite dongsaeng.” He smiled happily.

Finally, the ice cream arrived.

“Let’s just eat, okay? Before I regret treating you.” I rolled my eyes and he just laughed softly by himself.

Ever since I was a kid, I wasn’t a fan of eating ice creams in a cone. I admit that I may be tidy and neat at everything but not at eating ice cream. So if there’s chance, I eat it in a cup. But because of Kyu’s rudeness earlier, I wasn’t able to make a request to place the ice cream cone in a cup.

I ate sloppily, feeling the drips of melting ice cream trickling down my fingers.

“I feel like a heater is hidden in my hand every time I eat ice cream. Why does it keep on melting?” Instead of enjoying it, I was dreading over the problem it brought.

“You still haven’t gotten the right way of eating ice cream in a cone, huh?” Kyuhyun said as he happily licked on his ice cream.

“Obviously not.” I glared at him.

His next action surprised me.

He pulled my right hand which was holding the ice cream cone by holding onto my wrist. When it was directly in front of his face, he started to lick the dripping liquid from the ice cream. He turned my hand a few times so he could clean all the sides. The whole time, I just stared at him with my eyes opened big and I heard my breathing slow down.

When he was done, he had to push away my arm to return it to my side.

“Faster, Wookie! Before the heater in your hands melt the ice cream again!” With that, I immediately started to eat with my mind filled with nothing but air.

“Is it okay now?” Kyuhyun asked with concerned eyes.

“Much better.” I managed to reply. Good thing my mind can still produce those words.

Don’t give any meaning to what he just did, Ryeowook. Remember, it is better to not assume anything because you won’t get disappointed at the end!

“So, I heard you guys went out a while ago?” Sungmin hyung asked.

Kyuhyun and I just finished transferring my things to the 11th floor and I was left alone with Sungmin hyung in the room. The other members were at the dining area eating dinner.

“We just went out for ice cream.” I smiled like an idiot as I lied down on Kyuhyun’s bed. “Wait, how did you know?!”

“News travels fast, Ryeowook. Apparently, there’s a pairing called KyuWook.” Sungmin hyung was across the room on his bed, sitting up.

“Really?!” I sat up as I heard it. “How did you know?”

“Thanks to my best friend called the Internet. Try going to kyuwook.com. You might just find your new guilty pleasure.” Sungmin hyung said.

“I will not be distracted by that website from reality.” I said but deep inside, I wanted to grab my laptop and immediately bookmark that page.

Note to self: Must check that site the moment I get the chance to be alone.

“I bet you’re already planning on when you’ll visit that site.” Sungmin hyung caught me staring blankly.

“No I’m not!” I lied.

“Just so you know, my laptop is on standby right now and the window for that site is still open.” Sungmin hyung whistled like he was doing nothing wrong.

“Shut up, hyung! You’re teasing me. I thought you were the one who was gonna help me and yet you’re torturing me.” I said.

“Don’t worry, I was just kidding.”

“Wait, kidding that the site exists?” That just slipped out of my tongue.

“Ha! Caught you! Don’t worry, if you can’t find the chance to be alone and it’s only the two of us, I’ll let you browse through it.” Sungmin hyung said and I didn’t see any point in denying it anymore.

“Thanks, hyung.” I just said.

“You’ll be surprised with what you’ll see. I never thought that those little actions will be caught by the fans. I salute them. And may I say that I declare myself as the number 1 fan of KyuWook.” Sungmin hyung stood up and went to the door.

“I am YeMin’s number 1 fan too.” I teased back

“Whatever. Let’s go, Wookie. Let’s have dinner.” He opened the door and we both went out to eat with the members.

“So, where will I sleep?” I asked the two when they were starting to lie down on their own beds.

“Oh, right!” Sungmin hyung sat up from his bed while Kyuhyun was just minding his own business.

“There are no more sleeping bags?” Sungmin hyung asked.

“The hyungs took it all and they didn’t leave anything for me.” I explained.

“Just sleep on Kyu’s bed. We won’t fit in mine.” It was true that Kyuhyun’s bed was a little wider than hyung’s and Kyuhyun was a lot thinner than hyung.

“What?!” Kyuhyun reacted violently. “And here I thought I would have a good night sleep.”

“I’ll just sleep in the couch then.” I was pained when Kyuhyun objected with hyung’s proposition. I thought he would be more than willing since he is the Kyuhyun who wants to be glued to me at all times but I guess his cool image must come first.

“Wookie!” I heard hyung calling but it was too late. I already got out of the door and placed my pillows on the couch.

“It’s okay, Wookie.” I comforted myself as I felt the tears well up in my eyes. “Look at the good side! At least you can watch T.V.”

In a few seconds, Kyuhyun went out of their room and made his way towards me.

“Come on, Wookie. Let’s sleep on my bed. I’m sorry for saying that. You know I didn’t mean that. I love you the most in the group and I won’t let anything make you feel uncomfortable.” Kyuhyun sat down beside me.

Why does it have to be “I love you the most in the group”, huh? Can’t it be just a plain I love you? And if you mention the phrase “it’s a privilege” again tonight, I will make sure that I will not sleep on your bed!

“You know what, Kyu, I don’t know what’s more important to you; this image that you’re trying to protect or our friendship because earlier inside, I could have sworn that your reputation is more important than me. And I’m not just speaking for my side. What about the other friends you have that can see the sweet side of yours? Will you really put your reputation first?” I know I might have sounded mean but it was what my heart was telling me.

“I know, Wookie. I’m sorry.” I was surprised that he didn’t fight back and just accepted what I said.

“You’re not going to protest? You think what I said was true?” I was really taken aback.

“Really. I’ve noticed it quite a few times already and it only took a good lecturing from you before I fully took it in. I should be thanking you.” He showed me the smile he shows me when he’s in the Ryeowook side then he hugged me from the side. “I hope you can give me a chance.”

“You know, Kyu, I have no complaints with your other self, I can see that it’s what people like about you because you can mash up evil and kindness at the same time but don’t be afraid to let others see your soft side towards your privileged people, okay?” I hugged him back.

“I get what you’re saying. I’m really sorry for my jerk self earlier in the room. I promise not to put you in that kind of situation again. It was too selfish of me.” He released me from the hug and placed his hands on my shoulders.

“I hope you didn’t get offended with what I said, Kyu.” I said then he smiled.

“Of course not, Wookie-ah! You’re a caring hyung to your favorite dongsaeng and I understand your intentions.” He replied genuinely. “I really like to call myself as Kim Ryeowook’s favorite dongsaeng.”

With that, we both laughed.

“Go back inside now, Kyu. It’s late and we have an early day tomorrow.” I pushed him out of the couch.

“I’m not going to go back inside without you. So you better start moving now, Wookie.” Kyuhyun forced the pillows out of my grip and he won.

“You might not have a good night sleep if I’m in your bed. Besides, I want to watch T.V. for a while.” I grabbed the remote and turned on the T.V.

“Okay, fine. I wanna watch too, anyway.” He gave me back my pillows and he sat down at the end of the couch.

I placed the pillows at the other end of the couch then I lied down, my feet on top of Kyuhyun’s thighs.

“Is it okay if I place my feet—“

“It’s okay, Wookie-ah! But don’t blame me when I do this!” He started to tickle my feet which made me sit right up.

“Kyu! Don’t do that! I’m so tired and I want to sleep.” I rested my head again on the pillow.

“But Wookie, I want to play with you for a while!” Kyuhyun shook my legs.

“Tomorrow, Kyu. We will play endlessly.” I was starting to drift into sleep when I yawned.

“That’s a promise, Wookie! Okay?!” I can hint the excitement in Kyuhyun’s voice.

“Of course.” I closed my eyes and just slept.

“Sleep well, Wookie. Thanks again for everything today.” Kyuhyun patted my leg which made me more comfortable.

I knew it was morning already and it was time to wake up but I was still lying down comfortably. The couch was exceptionally soft and it didn’t give me any pains but I’m just wondering why I didn’t fall the whole night when I practically rolled over multiple times.

“Someone’s still enjoying their sleep, I guess.” I was positive that was Sungmin hyung’s voice.

“Hmmmm.” I mumbled as I rolled around once more, thinking that the couch seems wider than I expected.

“Good morning, Ryeowook. I’m afraid you were too comfortable with your company last night.” Sungmin hyung giggled.

“What do you mean?” My voice cracked as I opened my eyes and realized where I was.

“So, how was sleeping next to Kyuhyun? I bet you made the most out of it. And with that I didn’t mean anything dirty.” Sungmin hyung looked down on me since he was standing beside the bed.

“Whoa. How did I get here?” I sat up in a flash and realized I was on Kyuhyun’s bed.

“Huh? Didn’t you sleep here the whole night?” Sungmin sat down beside me.

“No, I wasn’t. I clearly remember sleeping at the couch last night.” I tried to recall but that’s the only memory I have.

“I don’t know what happened with the two of you last night. When Kyuhyun went out to ask you to go back in, I already fell asleep.” Sungmin hyung explained.

“Did I sleep walk?” I really tried to recall.

“Well it figures because you were probably dreaming of Kyuhyun the whole night.” He laughed and I threw a pillow at him.

“Ya! Hyung!” I scratched my head thinking of the other possibilities.

Suddenly, Sungmin hyung’s face became serious, like he was stunned.

“I think I know how.” He smiled at me with wide eyes and a half-opened mouth.

I had a feeling I know what he was talking about.

“It can’t be!” I returned the same shocked expression.

“There’s only one way to find out. We need to ask Kyuhyun.” Sungmin hyung stood up but before he can go out of the door, Kyuhyun started to come in.

“Breakfast is ready. Manager hyung ordered take-out.” Kyuhyun was obviously still half-asleep.

“Okay, Kyu. But—“ Sungmin hyung was interrupted.

“Wookie-ah! You might not want to eat breakfast anymore.” Kyuhyun pouted. Oh gosh, it’s the Ryeowook side! I know it! And he’s not afraid that Sungmin hyung might witness it!

“Why?” I asked.

“For a small person like you, I never thought you could weigh that much! And you move too much when you sleep!” He said then went back to the dining area.

When the door was closed, a smile was immediately seen on my face.

“And here we thought you sleep walked.” Sungmin hyung said.

“Did he really just say that?” I stared at him in awe.

“Earth to Ryeowook.” Sungmin hyung rolled his eyes. “I am soooo the happiest fan of KyuWook alive right now.”

As promised, this fic will have slow updates :( Thank you to those who will still read this :D I promise to bring more exciting scenes to this fic :D

Right now, I’m waiting for my grades to be posted online *fingers crossed* I hope I get high grades! Please pray for me :)

Thank you so much for reading and please leave comments :D

Looking at the Horizon (One-shot)

Title: Looking at the Horizon (One-shot)
Pairing: Heechul/Donghae
Author: myllwookie and nicoholic
Rating: G
Summary: Heechul owns a rest house and is having relationship problems while Donghae is a photographer trying to look for the perfect subject. Together, they will make the most out of the time they have even though it's only for one night.


Looking at the horizon, the sun was shining its full glory on the man who was silently cursing on how his skin absorbed the heat. He was nonchalantly taking a stroll on the seashore, kicking the sand in the process, thinking how meaningless his life will be starting that day.

He brushed up his hair using his own hands and sighed as he grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialed the number of his own rest house that was supposed to be open for vacancy.

“Who is this?” He boastfully asked, feeling every power he had over his rest house staff.

“It’s Ryeowook, Mr. Kim Heechul.” The boy who answered the call immediately felt the difference in Heechul’s voice.

“Ryeowook, close down the rest house for the day. I want it all to myself tonight.” Heechul just ordered which made Ryeowook curious.

“But why—“

“No buts, just do it okay?! Who told you that you can question me?!” Heechul irritably said and ended the call without giving the younger man a chance to talk.

Stopping right in front of the ocean, he let the water hit his feet, leaving traces of the sand on him. He inched forward towards the vast ocean, not giving a damn with what his coherent mind was telling him. Too drowned with his own sorrows and pain, he didn’t realize that the water was getting higher and a rock under the ocean was about to disrupt his trance. True enough, he finally went back to his sane mind when the water took him in as he slipped because of a rock he wasn’t knowledgeable of.

“HE—“ His words yearning for help was cut off when he started to drown.

Why even fight it, Heechul? The man asked himself. Maybe this was bound to happen and you wanted this to happen. Don’t force yourself to hope that she will come back and save you right now.

Making a decision, he stopped raising his arms out of the water to show signs of a man drowning. Closing his eyes, he felt his body going deeper and the darkness slowly taking him in.

All of a sudden, a big impact somewhere near Heechul was felt and a pair of arms scooped his body, bringing him back to the world that he thought he didn’t need to be part of anymore.

Holding the unconscious Heechul in his arms, the man panted as he practically dragged himself towards the seashore, laying the tall man with porcelain like skin on the sand and held the precious face with his own two hands.

He slapped the face, feeling sorry for doing such a thing, in an attempt to make Heechul wake up and breathe like a normal person again.

Not seeing any reaction, he resorted to doing CPR, pumping the frail man’s chest and nearing his ear to the man’s plump lips in the hopes in hearing any signs of breathing. Doing it over and over again, he lost hope in continuing with what he was doing which made him result to doing mouth to mouth resuscitation.

He placed his hand on the man’s nose and pinched it while he blew air through the man’s mouth, not knowing whether what he was doing was right or wrong. After doing it for three times, the said man coughed and finally released water from his mouth which he took in a while ago when he was drowning.

Heechul’s savior then took a deep breath in relief and lied down beside him when he saw the man sitting up and wiping his face with his hands.

“Thank God.” Heechul can see the hoarse breathing and moving of his savior’s chest when he took all of the strength he have left to stand up and walk away from the scene.

“Ya! You wouldn’t even say thank you to your savior?!” The tired man stood up in a jolt and called for the man who was leaving without saying any word.

“I don’t remember saying that you should save me.” Heechul looked at the man with a disapproving look as he placed his arms in front of his chest.

“Why? Who told you to go down there and drown like a helpless cat?!” The savior retorted back.

“How is that any of your business?!” Heechul decided to just turn around and head back to his rest house, not giving any attention to the man who was just forcing him to say thank you against his will.

He walked away again and acted deaf towards the calling of the savior.

“Ya!” Heechul heard but he disregarded it.

“Ya! Ya!” After hearing the man call out in anger again, Heechul continued to just walk away until the voice stopped ringing in Heechul’s ears.

Feeling a tinge of something he can’t explain, he looked back to check on what the man was doing and to his amazement, the man was running back towards the ocean, grabbing a DSLR camera that was starting to float away.

The man scratched his head and had a regretful look in his face which made Heechul flinch and he didn’t know why a reaction like that just occurred to him.

Heading back to the rest house he owns, he hoped for a peaceful but sorrowful night with his best friend named alcohol. What a kind of company for such a pitiful man, he thought.

“How can you just send me away like that?!” The man who was supposed to occupy a room in a particular rest house asked in disbelief when a staff came to him and said that he had to leave.

“I’m really sorry Mr. Lee Donghae but I made a mistake. We weren’t supposed to take in any guests for the night but I got the memo late from our owner not wanting to accommodate anyone tonight. I’m really sorry. If you want, I can arrange for you to live in another rest house nearby.” A man with the name Lee Hyukjae written in his name plate explained the situation to Donghae when he got back.

“Then that’s not my fault, right? You go tackle this with your boss and tell him that I’m not gonna move to any other rest house for the night! I already paid and my things were already upstairs hours ago! I want to stay here since this has the best accommodation! The customer is always right, remember that!” Donghae dropped his hand carry bag on the floor to show that he doesn’t have any intentions on giving up.

“I’m really sorry sir but we can’t do anything anymore. We will refund your money and give you discounts for your future stay here! Just bear with us, please.” Hyukjae was in the verge of kneeling down in front of Donghae when two other staff members went to Hyukjae.

“Hyukkie, I think Mr. Kim is coming out of his room! You’re dead!” A staff member with the name Cho Kyuhyun on his name plate spoke and another staff with the name of Kim Ryeowook was beside him.

“Is Mr. Kim your boss?” Donghae directed the question to the three of them.

“Yes, sir. But you might not want to talk to him right now.” Hyukjae kept on tugging on his shirt when he started to hear footsteps that were possibly Heechul’s.

“And why is that? He’s the owner, I’m a customer and I would like to address my complain to him.” Donghae raised his eyebrows on Hyukjae which made the nervous man gulp.

“Shh! Here he comes!” The staff named Kyuhyun whispered.

When Donghae turned around to see the boss, Heechul’s back was already facing him, not giving him a chance to see his face.

Just like how Hyukjae spoke of Heechul, this proved Donghae that Heechul was really the kind of man who won’t give a damn if decides to. Now he knows why the staffs were so afraid and cautious.

“Excuse me.” Donghae called but Heechul just continued to walk.

“Hey! I’m talking to you!” Donghae spoke a little louder.

“Uhh sir, you’ll regret this.” Ryeowook whispered.

“Shut up!” He hissed. “Ya! The owner of this rest house!”

With that, Heechul finally turned around and started to sigh angrily.

“What the he—“ Heechul was on the verge of cursing but stopped when he recognized the man calling him.

“You!” Donghae let out in disbelief. “He’s your boss?!”

“Yes, sir. Mr. Kim Heechul is his name. Do you know each other?” Hyukjae’s eyes widened in wonder.

“What are you doing here?” Heechul calmed down a bit seeing the face of the man as he slowly approached the lot.

“I’m a customer here, for your information.” Donghae rolled his eyes. “And there seems to be a problem here because your men are asking me to leave.”

Heechul eyed him for a moment, but with soft and curious eyes.

“Ya, Kim Ryeowook, didn’t I call you earlier?” The three men were surprised, seeing how calm their boss was.

“You did, sir. But when you called, Hyukjae already let Mr. Lee occupy a room. And now, Mr. Lee refuses to leave even though we said we will refund his money. We’re very sorry, sir.” Ryeowook explained like a little kid being scolded by his mother.

“Lee Hyukjae, you!” Heechul was about to let different unpleasant words roll out of his tongue but when he glanced at Donghae, he forgot about it all at once. He, himself, can’t explain why.

“I’m really sorry, sir!” Hyukjae lowered his head as a sign of respect.

“Don’t make him leave anymore.” Heechul told the three which surprised them again.

“May you have a good stay.” Before he left, he said those words to Donghae which made the latter just stare at the figure that was walking away.

“Sir, do you need help with your bag?” Kyuhyun asked him which broke off his gaze.

“Uhh—I, no thanks.” Donghae took a deep breath, not knowing why he was suddenly feeling that way. Like someone took his soul from his body.

“Sorry to ask sir but do you personally know our boss?” Ryeowook asked.

“No, why?”

“It’s just that he’s never that nice to anyone and he even wished you a good stay! He never does that! And he appears to be calm around you.” Hyukjae explained.

“I don’t know. Maybe he just feels guilty.” Donghae shook his head with a smile as he recalled what happened earlier.

“Guilty?” Hyukjae and Ryeowook said at the same time while Kyuhyun just raised his eyebrows in confusion.

“I’ll go ahead.” Leaving them clueless, Donghae went up to his room with a smile on his face.

“Pour me another glass.” Heechul told the bartender. Just like what he was told, he poured a blue-ish liquid on Heechul’s glass.

“Whatever you’re giving me, keep it coming!” When he arrived at the nearby bar, he just asked the bartender to give him any drink that will make his worries go away. Now, he’s at his third glass, still not knowing what he was drinking.

“Okay, sir.” The obedient man said.

“What’s your name?” Heechul sighed deeply and nodded towards the bartender.

“Hangeng, sir. And I believe you’re Mr. Kim Heechul.” He said while preparing another drink for another customer.

The bar was small and quiet. It was not your usual bar with loud music, DJ, dance floor and an illegal underground business; rather it’s where people come to unwind, relax and clear their heads. Soft music is playing on the background, the lights were dimmed and the people minded their own business.

“How do you know me?” Heechul asked with a smile as his brain felt like air. No, he was not drunk. Not yet.

“Why do you still ask? This is a small neighborhood. Of course everyone knows the ruthless and almighty Kim Heechul.”

With that, Hangeng left to entertain another customer when the doors of the bar suddenly opened. It wasn’t normal for people to look at the person coming in but Heechul broke that norm. He turned around from the counter to see who just walked in and was taken aback when a man wearing a plain white shirt, black jeans and a DSLR camera hanging on his neck, just walked in.

He turned back around again, hoping that his savior didn’t catch him staring at him but it was too late when he heard the voice just right behind him.

“It’s you again.” Heechul turned around and smiled like an idiot when he saw Donghae’s glowing face half-smiling at him.

“Hello.” That was all Heechul could say.

“Is someone sitting here?” Donghae pointed at the seat beside Heechul’s.

“No one.” Heechul’s mind was quiet all of a sudden.

“Welcome, sir. What would you like to drink?” Hangeng the bartender asked Donghae.

“What he’s having looks interesting. I’ll just have that.” Donghae said pointing at Heechul’s drink.

“Coming right up.” Hangeng politely said.

“What’s that drink called?” Donghae settled on his seat and placed his camera on the counter.

“I don’t have any idea.” Heechul answered stiffly.

“Seriously?!” Donghae started to laugh.

“Yeah. I don’t even know what’s in it. I just drink it.”

“Now I’m scared on what it might do to me.” Donghae continued to laugh.

“Not knowing what’s in it is the exciting part.” Heechul was starting to loosen up and started to laugh along with Donghae.

“I think we started on the wrong foot. So, what’s your name again?” Donghae asked.

“Kim Heechul. And you?”

“Lee Donghae.”

“What brings you here, Lee Donghae?” Heechul took a swig of his drink.

“I’m a frustrated photographer trying to look for the perfect subject.” Donghae said as Hangeng placed his drink in front of him.

“Have you found the perfect subject already?” Heechul asked.

“Not yet unfortunately. If I do, I’ll let you know.” Donghae took a sip of his drink and Heechul noticed Donghae’s attractive features in the process. “So, Heechul, what brings you to this place at this time of the night?”

“A new girlfriend and apparently I found one.” Heechul pointed at his drink and they both laughed.

“So, you’re one of those guys, huh?” Donghae was starting to use his presumptuous side.

“What do you mean?” Heechul can totally feel that he was being under Donghae. He wasn’t used to it since he was always the one who was higher but he doesn’t know why he’s so submissive to Donghae.

“You know, broke-up-with-a-girl-then-drown-in-your-sorrows-through-alcohol type.” Donghae rolled his eyes with a smile.

“I did not break up with my girlfriend.” Heechul’s words were firm.

“Then, what?”

“We just had a fight. That’s all.”

“And you think alcohol can help you?”

“No. I’m just fooling myself that it will help me forget about the pain.”

“Good. Now you have learned your lesson.” Donghae was now drifting from his cocky side and was now seeping through his considerate and soft side.

“I don’t know anything about you but you’ve changed me already. And it only took you less than a day.” Heechul was shaking his head in bewilderment.

“I have changed you? What do you mean? I only gave you a lecture on alcohol.” He laughed nonchalantly.

“You see, Donghae, I’m not really like this. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol getting in my system but I just can’t seem to do anything that will show you my cold self. Everyone thinks I’m ruthless, powerful and inconsiderate. Heck, people around here are scared to talk to me. But towards you, it feels like there’s this soft spot and all my coldness just vanishes.” Heechul wishes that he was drunk and he will forget everything he said by tomorrow but he knows it will stick for a long time in his head.

“Maybe you just feel guilty, Heechul-ssi. Just shake it off.” Donghae was surprised by Heechul’s words but he just didn’t let it show.

In honesty, he felt touched and overwhelmed with what Heechul said. He never thought that he has that kind of power over someone, the power that can make one weak. Maybe it’s just applicable to Heechul, but if that’s the case, he doesn’t have any objections. Yes, it’s true that when he saved Heechul earlier, he felt pity towards him but later on, he washed away the pity and replaced it with a soft spot. Hearing from the three staffs of Heechul’s rest house that he was only that kind towards him, he wondered why but he did keep smiling, admitting it to himself that Heechul wasn’t just a nobody in his eyes anymore.

Looking for a good time this night, he ran into this bar and was delighted when he saw the new person in his life sitting alone. He was even more uplifted when he caught him staring at him and later on pretending that he was not. Having an opportunity to chat with Heechul, he was more than happy but was brought down when he learned that the man was troubled because of a girlfriend problem. Not being selfish or anything, but he wants for that girl to be forgotten by Heechul even though it’s only for this night. Just until he leaves so that he can have a good memory of him.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s just the alcohol but I’m not guilty, though I am sorry for acting like a jerk when you saved me. Thank you so much and sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Donghae smiled which Heechul wished he didn’t see because it just made him more confused with his feelings.

“How’s your camera? I saw that you were getting it from the water a while ago.” Heechul pointed at Donghae’s camera.

“Well, it’s a miracle that it’s still working. I jumped into the water to save you, not remembering that it was around my neck.”

“Sorry about that.”

“Nah, it’s all good.”


“Say, Heechul-ssi, why don’t we just forget about our problems tonight and be free. Only talk about the happy stuff. I promise I will try my best to make your pain go away.” Hearing Donghae’s words, Heechul couldn’t help but to smile.

“I would like that.” Heechul said with a sincere smile that he haven’t used in a long time.

The two had the time of their lives. They drank like there was no tomorrow and talked like they’ve known each other since forever. As Donghae wished, Heechul forgot that he had a girlfriend while they were together and Donghae forgot his photography blues. Every time they laugh, they will be closer literally. It will be either Heechul moving towards Donghae or Donghae towards Heechul. They kept on moving towards each other that they ended up like being glued together. There will be times when Donghae will place his head on Heechul’s shoulder, just savoring the moment and there will also be times when Heechul will hold onto Donghae’s hand.

In short, it was a night that they emptied their minds of their reality and just let their instincts and feelings take over.

The only thing missing was kissing which was eventually about to happen.

When they accidentally faced each other, their faces were a few inches apart given that they kept on moving towards each other.

Donghae was the one who turned around since he knew that it was going too far already. He may like Heechul but he doesn’t want to give Heechul a reason to be haunted by conscience when he sees his girlfriend.

“Why did you look away, Donghae?” Heechul asked, a bit disappointed.

“Nothing, it’s just that….” Donghae can’t find the right words.

“Do you want to kiss me? Answer me honestly.” Heechul asked, taking hold of Donghae’s hand.

“I---I don’t know, it’s—“ His words were cut off by Heechul.

“Because I know I do.” With that, Heechul pulled Donghae towards him and gave him a kiss the both of them will never forget.

Morning came and how they got back to the rest house was a blur to Donghae. All he knows is that he wasn’t able to sleep properly in his room knowing that he might have to say goodbye to Heechul when the sun rises. He doesn’t know for sure how Heechul feels but he does know that what he feels is not normal and that he will be hurt when Heechul still continues his relationship with his girlfriend.

When Donghae felt that the sun was about to rise, he grabbed his camera and made his way towards the sea. He wanted to take pictures of the sunrise that can serve as his souvenir for meeting Heechul. It will signify the beauty Heechul holds in his heart. Just like the sunrise, it may happen everyday but it’s not each day that a person appreciates it. There might be a lot of chances that a significant person will show up in Donghae’s life, just like how the sun rises everyday, but he knows that Heechul will be the most important and he will hold the highest spot in his heart, just like how a person appreciates a sunrise once in a blue moon.

When he reached to seashore, he stayed behind a tree but he saw Heechul standing by the edge of the water and looking at the horizon. He waited for the sun to rise so he can take the perfect picture.

“Looks like I’ve found my subject.” Donghae said to himself.

As the sun rose, he took multiple shots of the scenario. Thanks to the sunrise, Heechul’s silhouette appeared perfect in the picture and finally, Donghae was able to find the meaning in his profession.

“I finally have my masterpiece.” He smiled and started to walk towards him when a girl started to approach Heechul.

Donghae went back to the tree and watched as the two talked. He had a feeling that it was Heechul’s girlfriend and he wasn’t wrong because after a few seconds, the two kissed. He didn’t know why but he took a picture of it. The sunrise was still visible so it was only the silhouette of the two that was seen in the picture.

“Thank you so much, Heechul. You made last night one of the best nights of my life.” With that, he retreated and started to pack his things. He left without getting Heechul’s contact information or without trying to talk to him.

Going back to the city, Donghae finally has two pictures for the photo exhibit he and his colleagues organized. The first one, the picture of a man watching the sunrise, he called it “Looking at the Horizon.” The second one, the picture of a man and woman kissing against the sunrise, he called it “Disguised Bliss.” Because he masked his pain by feeling happy for Heechul.

A HeeHae fic that should have been done last May =)) But hearing the news of Heechul entering the army, I wanted to finish this before he goes :(

Me and my awesome friend, nicoholic made this :D We call HeeHae our OTOP (One True Odd Pairing) :D LOL xD

Thank you so much for reading and please leave comments :D
Chapter 17

“Kyu, what are we doing here? We’re not allowed here!” Ryeowook hissed as we walked towards the entrance of the dorm.

“Why aren’t we allowed here? If I say we can, then we can!” I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the doors.

“We’re not students anymore. We can’t just go in here whenever we want!” He tried to pull back but I was still stronger than him.

“I thought you said you will fully subject yourself to me today?! You’re all mine so don’t even try to protest.” I said in a serious tone but I was just excited to unveil the surprise to him.

He stopped walking for a second and looked at me with considerate eyes.

“Just tell me that we’re not going to do something illegal.” He said and I sighed.

“Of course not! I wouldn’t put you in a situation where you will feel uneasy. Just trust in me, okay?” I gave him an assured look and squeezed his hand which was turning cold.

“Of course.” He smiled, squeezed back my hand and walked beside me.

“I planned everything accordingly so everything will be perfect. No mishaps or any complications should happen. I will not let it happen!” I spoke as if I was declaring a law.

“Nothing can stop you once you’re in action. Typical Kyu.” Ryeowook laughed it off and I smiled at him.

“Come now.” I started to walk, making our way towards our old dorm room.

I was imagining everything in my head. The ambience of the room, the familiar colors it will show, the striking feeling once we see the place just like our dorm room before and the most important, Ryeowook’s overwhelmed smile that will launch a thousand ships inside me. I was ready to mark it as one of the best nights of our lives when the unexpected happen.

A very worn out and panting Hyorin was running towards our direction with a worried expression.

“Hyorin?” Ryeowook said in a questioning tone.

“What is she doing here? She’s not supposed to be here anymore.” I said unconsciously, not remembering that Ryeowook was beside me.

“She helped you with this?” Ryeowook asked.

“Yeah, but that’s not the point now.” I was distracted that I wasn’t even looking at Ryeowook.

“Kyu oppa!” Hyorin half-shouted when she reached us.

“What’s the matter, Hyorin? There’s nothing wrong, right?” I was starting to get nervous and angry at the same time. I just said that nothing can ruin this night and yet here I am thinking that the night is over even before it started.

“Omo, please don’t get mad at me.” She was panicking and was near to tears.

“Calm down, Hyorin. I won’t get mad at you.” I was telling the truth. Of course I wouldn’t get mad at her but I’m sure I will be mad at the situation.

“It’s okay, Hyorin.” Ryeowook joined in.

“Ryeowook oppa, I’m so sorry! It was supposed to be a beautiful night.” She was trying to catch her breath.

“Now, Hyorin. Tell me what happened.” I got her back to telling me the problem.

“I don’t know how but the dorm head got the word that an outsider will sneak in today. You know the rules, no one can come inside the dorms unless it’s a relative of the occupant. The good thing is he still doesn’t know what room you guys will occupy for the night so he still hasn’t called any of the students for scolding. The boys who are currently occupying the room got nervous and backed out from the plan. They won’t talk to me and they kept slamming the door on my face.” As she explained, I wanted to crumble down into pieces.

“You were planning to spend the night in our old dorm room?” Ryeowook was obviously surprised while I stared blankly into air, disappointed.

“Not only that, oppa! Kyuhyun oppa even designed the room to the way it was before! The pictures, the sheets, curtains, everything!” She was really saddened by the sudden turn out of events.

“Okay, Hyorin. No need to tell him everything. It’s a failure anyway. Thanks for your help, though. I really appreciate it.” I said without the slightest sign of optimism in me and I just walked away.

“Kyu oppa!” Hyorin called out.

I turned back around.

“Don’t worry, Hyorin. I am not mad at you. Thank you so much and I’m sorry for making you go through all this trouble.” I faked a smile and started to descend the stairs.

“Kyu!” This time, it was Ryeowook who was calling out but I was too frustrated to even look back.

I had a stiff expression on as I walked back towards the car, not minding the eyes that were looking at me and Ryeowook who was chasing after me.

I got inside the car, not thinking, seeing and hearing anything. It was just the feeling of frustration that dominated over me. Everything was planned! How can it fall through in just a flash?!

It was a given that Ryeowook will soon follow inside the car so even if I was too busy contemplating my failure, I was still waiting for him to get in before I start the car and head back to the dorm. But after a few seconds of just staring at the steering wheel, there was no sound of an opening door that was heard.

What’s Ryeowook up to this time? I asked myself and finally looked up and searched for him within the reach of my eyesight but he was nowhere to be found. At that moment, I knew he wasn’t in the university anymore. He was just following behind me and all of a sudden he’s gone? Ryeowook is too kind to even play a trick on me especially in this kind of situation.

“Where are you, Ryeowook?” I sighed worriedly.

This is my entire fault. If I didn’t act like a spoiled brat just because my surprise didn’t happen as I expected, he wouldn’t run off to some place that I have no idea of. He didn’t deserve my cold treatment since this day was originally planned to make him happy and now the exact opposite happened.

I bet he’s out there cursing me and wishing that he didn’t come with me today in the first place. The first thing I did was grab my phone and called Ryeowook but as expected, he wasn’t picking up. I tried calling him again but still no response.

Damn, Ryeowook. Don’t make me worry like this. You don’t know how much you’re killing me inside.

I got back inside the car, started the engine and just drove, not knowing where I will go. Looking at the road, I felt ashamed of myself. How can I not have any idea where Ryeowook might have run off to? I thought I knew him best but seeing the long and wide road ahead of me, it made me realize that maybe I’m not worthy of his love. For a second there, I wanted to punch myself for even thinking that. What are you talking about, Kyuhyun? Just shut up and start looking for him. Don’t drown yourself and make such excuses that don’t exist.

Hearing my own words, seeing the bright sun shining against my skin, I looked straight ahead and found meaning in what I am about to do. I slowed down the car, not minding the complaining cars behind me and looked around the surroundings carefully to see if Ryeowook was to be found.

Looking at the sidewalk, he was nowhere to be found. I drove around the parks to see if he’s out there somewhere, playing with little kids or just sitting alone but there was still no sign of him. I stopped every time I saw a shop or a restaurant to see if maybe he was just killing time but there was still no Kim Ryeowook.

Thinking of the other places where he might possibly be, I only ended up with one place and that’s our dorm. Well, Ryeowook might have ridden a cab back home, right? I asked myself. But what if he’s not there? Where can I look for him?

Even though I knew there was no hope, I still tried to call Ryeowook again hoping that he will answer his phone this time. However, before I can call him for the nth time, my phone rang, signaling that I received a text message.

Just go back to the dorm and wait for me there.

That one sentence was enough for me to call him again, a bigger chance that he will answer this time.

“Hello?” Ryeowook answered his phone. Finally.

“Ryeowook! Where on earth are you?!” I raised my voice.

“Whoa. Are you mad at me?” He just had to ask.

“I know I don’t have the right but yes! Why did you suddenly leave without saying anything!?” I was just worried.

“I’m sorry but I just had to.” I only noticed at that point that he was panting and he sounded tired.

“What do you mean you had to? And why are you out of breath?” I made a u-turn and headed back to Super Junior’s dorm.

“Just meet me back at the dorm, okay?” He said, trying to calm down.

“Wait, before you hang up, are you mad at me?” I swallowed my pride and asked.

“Even though you acted coldly in front of me a while ago, I just can’t find the nerve to get mad at you.” His voice was finally steady, as if he stopped whatever he was doing.

“So you’re not mad? Not even a bit?” I made sure.

“I promise you, Kyuhyun.” He said softly, my mind imagining that he was letting out a smile while saying that.

“Did you just smile when you said that?” I, myself, was forming a smile on my lips. It feels so great that the situation is light and problem-free.

“Hey! How did you know?! Are you watching me from afar?” He laughed. Oh, that laugh. Hearing that made me want to wrap my arms around him.

“I wish I was near you right now so I can squish you. But please do tell me that you’re safe wherever you are right now and that you’re not doing any stupid.” My heart was starting to feel at ease.

“Yes, I’m safe but I can’t assure you that what I’m doing is not stupidity.” From the sound of his voice, he was trying to hide a laugh.

“Hey, that’s not fair. How am I supposed to calm myself knowing that you’re up to no good?” I demanded.

“Just go home, Kyu. Promise me you’ll be safe?” He said with a happy sigh.

“I promise but you have to promise me too that you’re not gonna be in trouble.” I wanted to make sure so I’ll know what to expect.

“No, I’m not going to be in trouble. Don’t worry. This is just one of the products of my stupidity.” I was so clueless with what he’s doing.

“You’re making me paranoid, Wookie. Hurry back home, okay? I’ll be waiting for you.”

“I will surely be back in no time. I won’t keep you waiting.”

He was about to hang up but I called for him again.

“Hey, Wookie!”


“Don’t you think waiting is such an overrated word for us already?” I let out a soft laugh.

“Let’s not mention that word ever again.” He laughed lightly.


“You know, Kyu, you’re so cute when you’re random.”

“I’m sure that’s a compliment, right?”

“Of course. Let’s hang up now. See you later.” He bid goodbye.

“Keep safe, Wookie. Bye!” With that, he ended the call and I continued to drive back home.

As soon as I dropped my phone on the passenger seat, it rung once again. I expected that it was Ryeowook since our call ended just seconds ago. Maybe he needs to ask me something or wanted a ride back home.

Without looking at the screen, I answered the call.

“It was only seconds ago that we last talked and you already miss me?” I joked around.

“Uhh, Kyuhyun, this is Manager hyung.” I nearly choked on my own breathing realizing who was calling.

“Oh, hyung! You called.” I felt my hand shake.

“Were you expecting a call from someone special perhaps?” He asked.

“Nah, that was just a friend of mine who I was talking to a while ago that’s why I said that. I thought he called me again.” I explained, my voice trembling.

“Oh is that so?”

“Yes. So why did you call, hyung?”

“We have to talk in person, Kyu. Can you do now? Right this instant?” His voice was suddenly serious. My worries about him finding about my relationship with Ryeowook vanished into thin air and was replaced with a much worse feeling. It was like a bad intuition.

“Is there something wrong?” I gulped. My hands were starting to sweat and my grip on the steering wheel became weak. I don’t know why I’m reacting this way without even knowing what the problem is. But one thing is for sure. That is, something was not right and somehow I was already expecting it.

“It would be better if I tell you in person. It’s not good to say it over the phone.”

“Can’t you give me a clue? So that I won’t create possibilities in my mind.” I took a deep breath. I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to hear it right then and there. Especially that I’m driving.

“Wait, where are you?” He asked.

“I’m not home. I’m on my way, though. But I have something up later so I can’t meet up.” It sounds like I’m making reasons so I can’t meet him, but I’m not. Honestly, I don’t wish to know what’s going on.

“All the more that I can’t give you an idea since you’re driving. We don’t want you in another accident.”

“Accident is an understatement.” I tried to ease the situation with an inside joke but it didn’t work.

“Yeah, you’re right. But if you really want to have an idea, I can send you a text message when you get home. But promise me that we’ll meet up immediately for the details and the whole story.”

I wanted to say no, that he doesn’t need to send me a text message but that seems disrespectful.

“Okay, hyung. I’ll just text you once I reach the dorm.”

“Okay, Kyu. Don’t think of anything yet. Just…” I heard him heave a sigh on the other end of the line.

“Just what, hyung?” My heartbeat was increasing in speed and I felt my whole body heat up.

“I don’t know, uhh enjoy?” It sounds like he’s telling me to enjoy the time I have left before he tells me the bad news.

“You’re making me worry, hyung.” I faked a laugh.

“Drive safe, Kyu.” He ended the call just like that.

I wish he just told me about it in one go. Like when we pass by each other in the hallway, he can tell me ‘hey Kyu, oh by the way I need to tell you some bad news’ and then he would say it on the spot. The element of suspense is really tricky and most of the time, disappointing.

Now, I can’t stop thinking about it. Well, who would? Only a good and effective distraction can help me right now. Good thing I’m near the dorm. I can finally see my greatest distraction of all. Kim Ryeowook.

I parked my car in the parking lot, got out of the car and took a deep breath. You’re finally home, Kyu. Time to send Manager hyung a text message. Leaning against my car, my hands shook as I grabbed my phone from my pocket.

I can’t bring myself to type in a decent message. Should I just forget it and tell Manager hyung that my phone died on me or that someone stole it? Wait, I can’t believe that I’m even trying to find a way to run from it when I have no escape at all. Whatever he will tell you, it’s done, Kyuhyun. It can’t be undone.

Hyung, I’m back at the dorm already.

As I pressed the send button, I wanted to lie down on the hard cold floor and let nothingness get into me. But this is not just nothing, rather it is the opposite of absence. This is something big and I should learn how to deal with it.

Walking towards the entrance of the building, it felt like I was dragging my own self. Every step was too heavy and every breath was too short. Getting in the elevator and pressing our floor number was hard, thinking that Ryeowook will be arriving soon, hoping to see me smiling. How I wish I can eliminate the call the Manager hyung made from the events this day.

If I thought getting in the elevator was hard, well, facing the door and finding the force to open it was a lot harder.

Before I can open the door, my phone rang and it was a call from Ryeowook.

“Ryeowook-ah.” I said in a weak voice. Trying to sound enthusiastic with my current mindset was not possible.

“Cho Kyuhyun! Where are you?! I’m already back in the dorm. I thought you’d be first but I guess not.” Ryeowook’s voice was so happy.

“Oh, I---“ I wanted to stall a few seconds before coming in. “I’m at the ground floor already. I’ll come up immediately.”

“Good! Hurry up! I don’t want to be kept waiti—“ He stopped. “Oops, I forgot our deal.”

“You’re such a forgetful one.” I laughed weakly. “I love you, Ryeowook. I’ll be there in no time.”

I didn’t know why I had to say ‘I love you’ but I just felt like I needed to.

“I’ll count to 50! Bye! Love you too!” He ended the call with a giggle which made me smile a bit.

I wanted to wait for Manager hyung’s text message before I go inside so that I would know how to react in front of Ryeowook.

Good thing (or is it a bad thing?), my phone rang again and it was the dreaded text message from Manager hyung.

I took a deep breath, cleared my head and kept an open mind. Don’t react harshly, I told myself. Just accept what the message will say and you should find the courage to continue living life normally.

I slowly pressed the ‘open’ button and held my breath.

There it was.

It took me 3 times to read the message before I got my breathing back.

And now, I don’t know how to feel.

I grabbed the door knob and went inside in daze. When I reached the dining area, Ryeowook was there with a party hat on and a small cake with a candle lit up on his hands.

“Surpri—“ Ryeowook started to shout with a smile but was cut off when he looked directly into my eyes.

I figured he saw the flame of the candle glistening on my very watery eyes.

“What’s the matter, Kyu?” He had an apologetic look.

“What’s all this?” I tried to smile but I think it failed.

“Seeing your surprise put to waste, I felt really touched. Since I think it’s your first time exerting so much effort and hard work to make me happy, I thought we should celebrate it. The first time Kyuhyun planned something that made me want to cry because of joy.”

Ryeowook is really a precious one. When the situation seems hopeless and sour, he has a way to turn it all around and make it the exact opposite.

“I love you.” It was the only thing I can say. “Sooooo much, you know?”

Finally the tears rolled down. I know that it was mainly caused by the text message but I just disguised it as tears of joy. Although, I am really happy and touched with what Ryeowook has done. Too happy that it was saddening.

I snatched the cake from his hands and placed it on the table, then wrapped my arms around him.

Without realizing it, I was sobbing hard against his shoulder. The feel of his hand moving up and down my back only made it worse, thanks to that message.

“Kyu, what’s wrong? Tell me.” He said softly.

“I—I jus—st lo—ove you s-so much. Okay?” When I calmed down a bit, I continued. “Promise you’ll love me the same way back?”

“Kyu, of course I do. Nothing will change about that. I do love you and I will always do.” Hearing that, I forced myself to stop with the crying and face him with a smile.

“Thanks.” I said with a deep breath.

“So, will you tell me what’s wrong? The truth?” He was really eager to know.

I rehearsed in my mind what I was going to say, and yes I’m planning to tell him the truth, but all that came out was totally different.

“Nothing. I just feel like a big failure when my plan didn’t work out. And now, seeing you with this surprise for me, I just couldn’t believe how lucky I am to have you back. That’s all. Another of my dramatic episodes.”

Dramatic episodes? Wow, I have never even had one before. Way to go, Kyu. Way to go.

One word: Sorry. I totally understand if you don’t want to continue reading this series anymore. With the long period of time of no updates, I totally understand :| But to those who will still read it, I am really thankful :)

I have a 1-week break next week :) Hopefully I can update :D

Thank you so much for reading! :D Please leave comments :)



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